Always Been You

~Lola’s POV~

I wept and sobbed

It all seemed like a dream.

Perhaps if I close my eyes tautly and then open them, I’ll discover it’s nothing but a nightmare and then sigh with relief. My long lashes fanned across my cheeks as my eyes closed firmly, and I wished for it all to be a bad dream that I desperately wanted to wake up from. I blinked and opened my eyes. There was no such luck. I had no one else around me. I was all alone. My kids were gone. He took them. He took them, as though I wasn’t the one who had raised them. Why did he take them without giving me a chance to tell him how I felt? Not even a chance to say anything. I was still stunned that he had tracked me down. I couldn’t muster the guts to tell him what was on my mind. I let him take my children away from me like a fool. They are mine. He didn’t want me. He made that so clear. I couldn’t be selfish and ruin his relationship with Candice. I wanted him so badly. I wanted him to be part of our lives, but it was impossible. He told me that I was a mistake. How could I have told him that he was about to be a father? My children are my entire world. I really can’t go on without them. The worst part is that I can’t even fight. I was wrong. He deserved to know, but I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant. I, the mistake. He was happy, and I was all alone and scared. What if he could have coerced me into aborting them? I was so terrified. Back then, he could have done anything. I had no idea what to do. I was wrong for not telling him, but he built this huge wall between us. It was far from simple. Watching him so happy with Candice was enough torture. I couldn’t tell him. It’s not like he made it easy for me to tell him.

Here I am, crying my heart out. I have nothing. I have nothing to live for. I should just end it. I stood up and walked to my balcony, holding the railing, being urged to throw myself down and end it all as if my life was worth nothing. Possibly, it wasn’t worth shit at the moment with my children not around.

Jump and let Candice mother your children.

A voice whispered to me. My dark hair billowed in the breeze, flapping across my face as if to tell me not to leap and end it all. For the umpteenth time, I pondered how I had ended up in this perilous predicament. How I lost everything in less than 24 hours. My children are my pride and joy. A mother’s pride is her children. I now have none. He took it all away. A solitary tear slid down my cold cheeks at what were probably the last moments of my time on earth. They say in death, your life flashes before your eyes. I haven’t seen any flashes so far. My head dared not tilt backward to look for anything that might distract me, for the effort might be too much in my dangerous position, and that action might very well be my last. I sobbed no stop. Last night, I asked Ruth and Evelyn to go home because there was nothing for them. My kids were not around. It dawned on me that this was no joke; if I jumped, it would be the end of everything. I lose. I lose my children to Candice and Dante. I have to fight. I can’t just give up. Mia, Kai, and Tyler are my children. In my daydreaming, I almost lost my footing. I quickly descended. I am going to fight. I’m not going to let them win. Candice will never mother what is mine. Never. I went back to my room and had a shower. I am going back to New York City. My doorbell rang when I was busy packing my luggage. I dashed down the stairs to open the door, only to be greeted by Mason’s lovely face.

“Hey,” he said with an awkward smile. Unlike him.

“Hey, wanna come in?”

“Sure thing. Um… ” He began and hesitated as he glanced at me, then brushed back his dirty blonde hair. I raised a brow at him. “So Philip ditched me. We were supposed to go hiking with the gents and they had other plans.”

“Oh boy, and now you are all by yourself?”

“Not really. I was able to persuade June to come. She will, according to her, be bringing some friends as well.”

“So you want me to come along?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, um… Can I meet you at your house? Please let me some time.”

“Sure, we’ve got at least two hours before we have to leave, so take your time, but don’t be late.”

“Sure,” I replied, as Mason shut the door behind him.

Maybe this is what I need before I can face the devil. I need to build up the courage to win this war between me and my husband, and this hiking is just what I need. I made my way up the stairs to change. I was busy deciding on what to wear when another ringing doorbell rang. I dashed downstairs again, and this time it was June.

“Hey, I was sent to come and make sure you don’t get late.”

“Oh really? That sounds like Mason.”

“Yep.”Nôvel/Dr(a)ma.Org - Content owner.

“Okay, missy, let’s head upstairs because I’ve been tossing everything aside. We went to my room, where I was still dumping everything I had chosen after fitting. But why is that? I wasn’t going on a date or anything; I was going hiking with my friends.

“Hey, where are the kids?” I held my breath and exhaled, then opened my mouth, but something told me I couldn’t trust June with this one. As a result, I lied.

“They went with their grandmother.”

“Wow, that was very thoughtful of Martha. You needed a break.” Why would I need a break from the one and only thing that matters in my life? Don’t get me wrong, June still has feelings for Dante. Even though she acts like she’s over him, the good thing is that she has no idea that he is my husband. I’m not going on a date; I’m going for a walk in the woods.

That was something I said to myself in the back of my mind. I ultimately chose black high-waisted pants, a white tank top, and a black hoodie. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was ready to go.

“All ready,” I said to June.

“A short could have done better with that hoodie.”

“I know, right, but then I don’t want any scratches on my body. Let’s get going.”

I was okay at first with Mason inviting me, but today, for some unknown reason, I don’t feel comfortable around June. But why? Why do I feel like this hike is going to complicate my life for good? I really don’t feel good about this hike. It’s as if something was about to go wrong.