Always Been You

~Lola’s POV~

Sadness, emptiness, detachment, and rage are all emotions that I’m experiencing. Right now, I am at a stage where my body is numb, my mind is numb, but my heart, my heart, is bursting at the seams right now. He wanted to make my life miserable. I don’t blame him; I blame myself for holding on to his promises. I was blindly giving myself to him because I thought he hadn’t forgotten his promise. The first time I thought he hadn’t forgotten his promise. I knew the promise had long been forgotten the second time I slept with him, but because I loved him and the idea of marrying the only man I’d ever loved, I voluntarily gave myself to him as a form of goodbye. For all these years, because of him, I lost my happiness, and my kids lost their father. I gave my children the love that he should have been giving them and the duties that should have been fulfilled by him because I didn’t want them to think about him, at least not yet. One thing is for sure, I hate him. I hate Dante Monroe. He used to be my everything, but now the only thing I feel for him is hatred. He has no respect for me. The only thing keeping me in this God-forsaken house are my children and the apparent fact that if I try to take him to court, I will lose. I have no proof that he cheated on me. I can only go on with what I’ve heard. He, on the other hand, has proof of me kissing Mason, which can be used as evidence against me. Those images alone could cause me to lose everything. He’s currently using that against me. I have no one who can help me, not even his mother. Nobody has evidence that Dante dated Candice. If I ask Candice for help, she will betray me. She is far too cunning. I walked down the stairs and found him eating with the kids.

I stared into those eyes, which had previously appeared in my dreams on a nightly basis; now, having them in front of me with so much rage in them is surreal. I pulled a chair backward and took a seat.

“Good morning, Momma!” It was said in unison by the children.Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.

“Good morning, kids. How was your night?”

“Good!”

“It’s time to go to school, kids.” When their driver announced it, they immediately followed him.

The absence of the children at the dining table brought about an eerily quiet and vacant atmosphere. I don’t want to talk to Dante. We ate in silence for the rest of the meal. I swallowed and cleared my throat. “I will stay, not for you, but for the sake of my children.” He cut me off.

“Do you think I love you that much for me to trick you into staying here? You think so highly of yourself, woman.” He remarked, but I don’t have time to be sitting here and talking about the same thing with him. I ignored his remarks and continued.

“As I previously stated, I will remain here only for the sake of my children, but how long before you kick me out of their lives?”

“Till I get married.” It hurts to hear him talking about marriage while he fails to see reason with me. My reasons are excuses to him. I still don’t have the answer to why did he fucking make those promises.

“So I have to be here till you find a wife who will take over the role of a mother to my children.”

“If you look at it that way, yes. I can’t remain unmarried, you know.”

“I’m not interested in your love life, as that is none of my business, but…” He cut me off.

“I’m glad you realize it’s none of your business, so why are you bringing it up?”

“My children! My children are my business.”

“If you have sperm, of course, you will have a say, but at this point, you just opened your legs, and I poured in my sperm and turned to children. So you accepted the sperm, which wasn’t yours since you have none.”

“So you want to kick me out of their lives once you find a mother for them? Is that what you are saying?”

“I’m relieved you got it. Look, if you want to fight, I don’t have the energy. You can park your bags and leave.”

“Fine!” Tears welled up in my eyes, something I never wanted to do in front of him, but my children are my life, and he is threatening to take them and find them a mother. I might have had a chance in court if June hadn’t sent those pictures to Dante. But now I’ll be labeled as a cheating wife and unfit mother. I removed my wedding ring, which was analogous to removing my heart from its place. “You gave up your parental rights the day you called me a mistake. You may be their father, but to me, you are nothing more than a sperm donor. I don’t think it’s right for me to keep this ring while you’re looking for a wife.” As I stood up, I placed the ring on the table. “I’m sorry I burned the divorce papers, but I’m not sorry I burned the other agreements. I would go to any length for my children. Make another divorce agreement. I will gladly sign as long as there are no conditions regarding my children. I will never allow another woman to raise my children, marry, have children with your wife, and leave what is mine.” I took a few steps back and paused. “I never thought we’d get to this point, and I never thought I’d have so much hatred for you, and it feels so good to finally say it. I hate you, Dante Monroe. You might feel like you have everything under control but have just lost everything.”

“I can’t hate you because you’re the mother of my children, but I hate the day I thought you’d make a good wife, and I regret ever seeing you as a woman.” I closed my eyes and walked back inside my room, locked it, and poured water into a bathtub. I undressed and nakedly walked into the bathtub. I closed my eyes and let everything go…