Beneath the Surface

I watch the cop walk back to his house and Lindsie walk back inside as I crouch down in the woods across from her house. I smile to myself as I think about how scared she must have been to realize I had found her. Little does she know I knew where she was all along. I followed them down the day she moved. I have always been close to her, she just hasn’t always realized it. I only ever leave her for a few days at a time. That’s the only inconvenience her moving has caused me. I can’t stay close every day now. I have to go home sometimes.

It might have been a mistake revealing that I knew where she was so soon, but I couldn’t help myself. I had to scare her because she is getting to close to the two men here. As long as it’s only a friendship then I can handle that, but I had to make her remember me before she fucked up and let it go any further.

I forgave her for that prick she was with in high school. Even after she made herself look like a whore and got herself knocked up. I still looked past it because I loved her, and I knew she was mine. She stayed away from men for eight years after that except for a couple dates in college nothing serious. She didn’t have time for them with two boys and college. Then it was two boys and work. Then she went out with that hot shot doctor and I couldn’t overlook it again. I couldn’t allow her to betray me like that again. I had to punish her.

I thought for sure she would stay mine and only mine after that, but when it started looking like she was into the cop I couldn’t stop myself from stepping in and warning her that I was watching. Maybe that will be enough to keep her from letting it go any further. I know she’s staying at his house tonight. Now that she’s thinking of me I’m not too worried about her staying with him for one night. On my laptop, I listened to their whole conversation and watched her relive our story together for the two idiots that think they can keep me away from her. I chuckle to myself. They don’t even have a clue what I’m capable of.

If the cop is anything like her cop brother then it’ll be a piece of cake to slip past him. All I had to do was kill a homeless man to get Shawn out of the house. Want a homicide detective gone? Then create a homicide investigation. I chuckle again. They still have no clue I killed that man to get him out of the house that night. They’re all ignorant, and can’t even begin to pose a threat to me. I slip back into the woods to get back to the side street I left my car on, about a mile through the woods. I’m guessing they’ll find my cameras either today or tomorrow. No big deal, I’ll put more up soon. Then I’ll just watch, unless she gives me a reason to punish her again. I’ll head home for a few days and let them wonder if I’m still here watching, but I’ll be back soon. I’ll always be back for Lindsie.

Jax

November 13, 2011

I roll over and look at the clock. It’s 5 am, and I am still awake. I haven’t been able to fall asleep because all I can think about is the fact that the woman I’ve had fantasies about for over a month is lying in bed right across the hall.

As I lay there I think back over yesterday. I can’t believe someone did that shit to Lexie. As she told her story I felt a rage come over me that I haven’t felt since the day I walked away from Nicole. My heart broke for her as the tears rolled down her face while she described the night of the attack.

I think about the way Jason clung to me as soon as I walked through the door. I don’t know how to even explain how that felt. To have a boy who didn’t trust anyone put his trust in me of all people. I swore to myself right then that whatever was going on in that family I would protect them. I will do whatever I can to make sure Lexie isn’t attacked again, and that the boys don’t have to experience that trauma again.

I am still keeping my distance from Lexie, but I’ve started to really care about the boys. If I’m truthful with myself I care a lot about Lexie too, I just won’t allow myself to get close to her. I wanted so bad to take her in my arms yesterday until she stopped crying and the fear wasn’t in her eyes anymore, but I wouldn’t let myself do it. I did hold her hand as she talked but that’s as far as I would let myself go.

When I came home from work to find the boys laying on the couch watching Iron man, and Lexie cooking dinner in my kitchen. I went straight to the fridge, grabbed a beer and walked out the back door. It was too much of a family scene for me to handle.

I wish I had never married Nicole. That I had never dated her at all. Then I wouldn’t be like this. I would be able to allow myself to actually be with Lexie, but I can’t now. I don’t know how to ever trust a woman again. I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to the man I used to be. I used to be a good man, happy, always had a smile on my face. I was never rude to anyone, let alone a woman. I thought that women were special and should be treated as such. I wanted a family. I wanted a wife and lots of children. Now letting a woman in and giving her the chance to break me all over again is my biggest fear.

Not liking the direction my thoughts had went I throw the covers aside and pull a pair of sweat on. I’m obviously not getting any sleep tonight. I might as well make some coffee and get my day started. I freeze as I round the corner into the kitchen. Lexie is sitting at the table drinking coffee. She’s still wearing the sweats from yesterday but is wearing a black tank top instead of the hoodie. I almost turn back around, but I change my mind.

“Mind if I join you?” she looks up at me and shakes her head.

I go over to the counter and pour me a cup before turning and leaning against the counter. I think it’s better if I keep my distance rather than sit with her. The only other time we were alone together I ended up kissing her.

We drink our coffee in silence for a while. My mind drifts to the kiss again and I try my best to push it from my mind. I’m wearing sweatpants and if I don’t stop my thoughts soon things are going to get even more awkward. I stare into my cup trying to think of something to say.

I look up and open my mouth to ask why she can’t sleep, but I stop when I see where her eyes are. It didn’t even cross my mind that I wasn’t wearing a shirt until now. Her eyes are roaming my chest and abs. I immediately put my cup down and walk out of the room. No way I can stay in that room and not touch her with her looking at me like that.

When I get to my room I get dressed and leave. I’ll go to Dillon’s house until it’s time for us to go to work. I have an alarm system I can set so no one can get in the house while I’m gone. I can’t stay in that house alone with her while the boys are asleep unless I want to make another mistake like the kiss. Ten minutes later I knock on Dillon’s door, and he’s pissed when he answers the door and sees me.

“Do you know what time it is asshole?”

“Yep but I needed out of my house and didn’t know where else to go to kill time until work.”

Even half asleep the asshole gets a crooked grin on his face, “What’s the matter Jax? Having trouble sleeping with Lexie around?”

I flip him off and push past him into the house. I drop onto the couch and turn the TV on as he makes his way past me back towards his bedroom. “Why don’t you just give up fighting it man? Just let what’s going to happen, happen. If you’re having so much trouble fighting it that you’re at my house at 5:30 in the morning, it’s going to happen eventually anyway.”

“No it’s not. I won’t let it.”

He chuckles as he walks into his room, “Whatever you say man, whatever you say.”

I vow again to stay away from her as much as possible. If I’m not around her much I don’t have to fight it as hard and if I stay away from her maybe whatever the hell is wrong with me will get out of my system and I can act like this whole month of unfulfilled lust never happened. Only I can’t stay away from her completely and protect her at the same time. I slam my head against the back of the couch. I have no idea what to do.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.