Ex-Husband's Regret

Calvin had called immediately he got the missed call notification. He’d explained that the reason he didn’t pick up is because he was in a meeting and his phone had been silent.

He wanted to come home right away, but told him that everything was now fine. That I had taken care of the situation and that Gunner was fine. He wasn’t crying anymore. Neither was he sad. 

That was enough for me.

He was reluctant, but he finally agreed given that his meeting would run late.

Now here I was cooking dinner for us. With thousands of thoughts running through my head. It’s like I can’t get a break from my own thoughts. They’re constantly there and now there some that are added concerning Gunner.

“What are we having for dinner mom?” Noah asks sitting down at the counter.

“Yes, what? I am starving” Gunner adds smiling at me. NôvelDrama.Org is the owner.

There it was again. That damn smile. It’s not that I hated it. I could never hate any smile Gunner gives me. It’s just that it F***ing bothers me so much. There was something about it that I just couldn’t place my finger on.

“I’m not sure” I tell them. “Why don’t we see what my craving will pick?” 

Noah smiles wide and turns to Gunner. “Mom has insan cravings. Sometimes they’re really great and other times it’s totally disgusting”

Gunner nods his head. “Can I help?”

“Sure. Why don’t you flow the chicken?” I tell him.

Noah wasn’t really that helpful in the kitchen. In fact he was a complete disaster. That’s why he normally never helps unless it’s something he can actually do. Something he won’t mess up.

I got out the marinating sliced chicken breasts and the Ziploc bag of seasoned flour and handed them over to Gunner.

He took them willingly with a smile on his face. One thing I learned about him was that he loved food and he also loved cooking. He was going to make a very lucky woman happy one day if he continued like this.

“As for you, Noah, you can help with the dessert” I turn to him 

“At least that’s easy and I won’t mess it up” he says grinning, making both me and Gunner laugh

He was self–aware. I liked that about him. 

“Now, if you get the buttermilk marinade on your fingers, don’t get it near your eyes. It’ll burn, because of the Tabasco and salt that is in it I warn Gunner. 

“Okay” 

We get to work. Chatting and simply having fun. I was so glad that I could give this to Gunner. So happy that I was able to give him happiness. I couldn’t take away all his pain and sadness, but this had to be enough for now.

He was a lovely boy. Shy at first, but when you got to know him, you realize how amazing he is. I just couldn’t understand why his mother would do this to him.

From what little I gathered. She doesn’t want to be in his life. I don’t know if it’s by choice or maybe forced circumstances, all I know is that it was hurting Gunner. The last thing I want is for him to grow up with issues just like me.

“This is what I’ve always wished and prayed for” his low voice pulls me back to the present.

“What?” Noah asks him.

Gunner takes deep breath before answering. “This. Having a mom by my side. Watching her cook and cooking alongside her. That kind of thing. Don’t get me wrong, dad is amazing but he is a dad.

He can never be my mom”

Damn it. There goes my heart shattering into pieces for this little boy. If I could, I would give him the world, but that is not sible. Some things just aren’t possible. Like how Noah wants Rowan and I to get back together.

“You okay, honey?” I ask him.

He smiles up at me. “Yes. I have you, Noah and dad. That is enough. I know you’re not my real mom, but you’re like a mom to me already.”

I leave what I am doing and give him a hug before k*ssing his forehead.

“Damn!” Noah groans.

“Language!” I chastise him and he goes quiet.

“I’m sorry mom ” Noah says after a while “I’ve been pushing and pushing for you and dad to get back together without realizing how lucky I am that you’re both in my life. Will you forgive me?” 

I open my arms for him and he immediately steps into them. I close them around him before k*ssing his forehead too.

“You’re forgiven” I tell him while letting him go.

“I’ll keep praying and hoping, but I’ll stop pushing so much.”

“Thank you” I say

We get back to work and eventually finish cooking. They both help me set the table and we sit down to eat.

With the three of us, or should I say four, we almost clean everything, but I put my foot down for some left overs. Calvin was probably going to come home tired and hungry. He won’t have time to cook something.

After dinner, I make them shower and then it is off to bed for them.

It was after they were asleep that the idea came to me. I had a five bedroom house. There was still an extra room even after turning one of them into a nursery. The last remaining bedroom could be Gunner’s room.

He could sleep there anytime he was over and it could also be his safe space while he was here. I quickly get excited about the idea. Immediately I take a note pad and started scribbling down what I would need.

I’ll have to ask Calvin for be helpful when it com know what he likes. rmission, but I was sure he’d agree. Well I hoped he would. Plus he’ll the design of the room. He knows Gunner better than anyone. He’ll

I was just finishing up the list of essentials when the doorbell rang. I wiggle up and go to open it, pretty sure that it will Calvin on the door. I wasn’t wrong.

“Hi” I tell him.

“Hi to you too” he says, giving me a tired smile.

I step aside and he comes in. We move to the living room.

“It’s quiet Are they asleep?” he asks

“Yes”

I didn’t know what to say. I had so many question, but I was afraid of stepping out of boundary.

“About today? Gunner was crying because of his mother” I start slowly.

The moment I say those words, his face turns stone cold.

“Don’t mention that bitch to me again! She has done nothing, but hurt me and my son over and over again. What kind of woman abandons her son? I get and understand that she doesn’t love me and she never will, it hurts, but I learned to accept that. Turning her back on Gunner is something else. I will never forgive her for that” he was breathing hard and his voice was cold.

Unrequited love. Wasn’t it just a bitch? I’ve suffered through it since I first fell for Rowan. I didn’t want my friend to go through it, but it looks like he has.

“Every time I call and she refuses to come see Gunner kills me. He is amazing, yet his mother wants nothing to do with him. I tried hiding it from him, but as he got older he started to understand things. He started to understand that his mother doesn’t want him and she wants nothing to do with him. Fuck I hate her so much, but I also can’t stop loving her” he says before continuing. Pain radiating from his eyes.

“I want to give Gunner the world, but the one thing he wants is totally out of my reach. I regret ever falling in love with her. Regret ever meeting her. But the thing is, regretting her means regretting Gunner and that is one thing I can never do”

Where have I heard those words from? Yeah from my own l*ps. Didn’t I tell Rowan the same thing?

That as much as I want to regret him, I can’t because it means regretting Noah.

“I don’t have the right Is for you. Hell. Our situations are the same, but different at the same time. All I can tell you is, De there for Gunner as best as you can. Love him so much that he doesn’t miss the love of his mother. Show him that he is enough and that it’s his mother’s loss not his”

Those are the only words I can offer. I wanted to say more, but I didn’t have the words to comfort him. He nods his head and we stay in silence.

“Thank you, Ava. For being there for me and my son” he says after a while.

“You’re welcome”

“It’s quiet. Are they asleep?” he asks

“Yes” 

I didn’t know what to say. I had so many question, but I was afraid of stepping out of boundary.

“About today? Gunner was crying because of his mother” I start slowly.

The moment I say those words, his face turns stone cold.

“Don’t mention that bitch to me again! She has done nothing, but hurt me and my son over and over again. What kind of woman abandons her son? I get and understand that she doesn’t love me and she never will, it hurts, but I learned to accept that. Turning her back on Gunner is something else. I will never forgive her for that” he was breathing hard and his voice was cold.

Unrequited love. Wasn’t it just a bitch? I’ve suffered through it since I first fell for Rowan. I didn’t want my friend to go through it, but it looks like he has.

“Every time I call and she refuses to come see Gunner kills me. He is amazing, yet his mother wants nothing to do with him. I tried hiding it from him, but as he got older he started to understand things. He started to understand that his mother doesn’t want him and she wants nothing to do with him. Fuck I hate her so much, but I also can’t stop loving her” he says before continuing. Pain radiating from his eyes.

“I want to give Gunner the world, but the one thing he wants is totally out of my reach. I regret ever falling in love with her. Regret ever meeting her. But the thing is, regretting her means regretting Gunner and that is one thing I can never do”

Where have I heard those words from? Yeah from my own l*ps. Didn’t I tell Rowan the same thing? That as much as I want to regret I can’t because it means regretting Noah.

“I don’t have the right words for you. Hell. Our situations are the same, but different at the same time. All I can tell you is; be there for Gunner as best as you can. Love him so much that he doesn’t miss the love of his mother. Show him that he is enough and that it’s his mother’s loss not his”

Those are the only words I can offer. I wanted to say more, but I didn’t have the words to comfort him. He nods his head and we stay in silence.

“Thank you, Ava. For being there for me and my son” he says after a while.

“You’re welcome” 

After, he leaves carring Gunner’s sleeping form and the food I saved for him.

Hours after he leaves. Hours after I go to bed. Gunner’s smile still haunts my mind. His smile and his mysterious mother invade my every thought.

There was something I was missing. If only I could piece the pieces together then maybe I could figure out why this whole issue bothers me so F***ing much. Maybe I can figure out why my mind won’t give me piece concerning the matter.