Ex-wife, Please Come Back

Chapter 419 Guilt And Remorse

Jacob continued to look around. The whole place was silent as it should be. Just then, he sighted a note on the ground. It looked like someone had placed it there on purpose. Immediately, Jacob put the chrysanthemum near the other bunch of flowers. Then, he picked up the note.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he read the words on the paper. Cold shivers also ran down his spine.

The note read, "You spent your whole life trying to forgive me.

So, I will spend the rest of my life atoning for my sins.

And he will always miss you until the end of time.

We are different. But at the same time, we are alike."

Jacob took a good look at the note. The handwriting was very legible and it looked like James had written it. Jacob's heart sank. At that moment, he felt like his courage had been drained. With a dejected look on his face, he sat on the tombstone.

It was hard to imagine the torture that James must have gone through while he worked with Michael back then. Guilt must have filled his heart. Jacob fully understood the feeling of guilt. He knew that the pain could make a person's heart break whenever they remembered their sins.

It was the same way he felt anytime he was with Sara. Jacob always remembered the amount of suffering he put her through. Because of this, his heart ached. And he wished that he could turn back the hands of time.

There were so many things that were beyond human comprehension. But when it happened, the people involved could describe how it felt. Guilt was one of such things. Only those who were consumed with guilt could tell exactly how it felt.

"Dad, I'm sorry that I discovered the secret. I have been wondering if I should have kept quiet. And I shouldn't have blurted it out. Assuming I didn't make any confrontation, maybe we won't have to be apart. But that day, I just couldn't restrain myself. I really wanted to know the truth. The matter was bothering me greatly. I wasn't thinking straight when I blurted it out."

Just like Jacob couldn't wait for his results after he took an exam, he was apprehensive on that day that he confronted James. Truly, he was perplexed and he wanted to know his true identity.

Although he would finally know the results of the exams he took, it didn't discourage him from being anxious.

"I cried the day he left. Dad, I am sorry I couldn't make him stay. Would you have been happy if I stopped him from leaving? I guess you wouldn't care. After all, you are gone from this world forever. You can't be concerned about what happened here,"

Jacob said as more tears welled up in his eyes. All these things seemed like a dream to Jacob. This wasn't just because he was the one involved. But also, because it was a miniature of all his problems.

Actually, pain isn't an independent entity. It was as a result of something. As it is often said, there can never be an effect without a cause. Jacob wiped his tears with the back of his hand. He cleared his throat and continued, "I know everything that happened. But I wouldn't comment on it. I just want to tell you that I am sorry for being born. I know my birth brought you endless pain. I apologize for that. And I won't forget all that you taught me."

As Jacob spoke, he stared at the picture of Michael on the tombstone. In that picture, he was smiling broadly like he always did. This was the first time Jacob felt so sad as he looked at Michael's smile. In the past, his late father's smile brightened him up whenever he was moody.

Perhaps his father was the kind of person who still smiled even in death. And Jacob couldn't help but imagine that this was true.

Jacob found it hard to control his emotions whenever he was wronged by anyone. He never took it lightly with those who offended him. Assuming he was placed in Michael's shoes, he wouldn't have managed the situation well. Maybe, he would have done something drastic when he found out about James' sins.

"Previously, I regretted signing that agreement. But now, I think it's the best decision I ever made. Otherwise, there would have been endless humiliations and troubles haunting you. But I want you to be proud of the life you lived. I would make sure that no dent is put on your name. Trust me, nothing would destroy all that you worked for in your lifetime."

Jacob smiled just like how he did whenever he saw Michael.

There was no living soul asides from him in the cemetery at that time. However, Jacob didn't feel afraid. On the contrary, he was glad that the whole place was quiet so he would have some privacy.

As he sat there, Jacob's mind flashed back to what Michael had told him while he was still at the hospital.

With a weak voice, the old man had said, "You must be good to James. Take care of him till he breathes his last."

Jacob didn't understand what his father had meant at that time. But now, everything was clear to him.

Sadly, James refused to stay. Even though he had persuaded him against leaving, he was still adamant. The guilt that James felt probably intensified as he aged. Old age often caused people to reflect on how they lived their lives.

Although Jacob knew that this was the reason for his departure, there was nothing he could do. Besides, James had the right to make his own choices.

But Jacob was left alone to deal with accepting it or not. He also had to deal with letting go of a loved one. The ability to accept such a decision from a loved one is dependent on how strong a person's heart is. This was the same case for Jacob.

"Actually, I have always wanted to know how you felt when you first set eyes on me. Were your emotions conflicting?"

Jacob asked in a daze.

"I know you loved me. While you were alive, you always cared for me. Even though I took your love for granted, you still adored me regardless. After all, everyone adores their children. But now, I know that nothing in this world should be taken for granted. Because no one knows when it would disappear."

Jacob stretched out his hands and picked up the bottle of liquor. As he continued to stare at Michael's picture, he recollected all that happened in the past.

Jacob greatly missed the love and care from him. Even though Michael wasn't his biological father, he had catered for him more than how a real father would. The old man had made sure that Jacob didn't lack any good thing.

"I've always wanted to say thank you. But I didn't say it because I didn't know how to express my feelings. In addition, I thought that I didn't need to say those words because you were my father. Now, I regret that I behaved very unruly and ungrateful. I should have taken you seriously."

Jacob poured out some liquor in a glass and sprinkled it on the ground in front of Michael's tombstone. Then, he poured another glass and gulped it down.

"Some things were permanent, just like death. But fate didn't give me a chance. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for not telling you how I felt until now. You deserved to hear those words of gratitude from me."

Hot tears were rolling down freely on Jacob's cheeks as he spoke. He wiped them again.

Not minding that the ground was dirty, Jacob sat down. He wanted to be close to his beloved father as he grieved.

"Dad, Sara doesn't even want to remarry me. But I don't blame her. All the memories of how I treated her badly couldn't be erased just like that. As they say, what goes around comes around. So, it makes sense that she refused my proposal."

Jacob continued to speak to himself. It seemed that he wanted to share all that was on his mind with his old man because before, he seldom had a chance to do that.

Jacob thought that perhaps he would hear him from heaven. Because of this, he continued to speak from his heart.

"By the way, Dad, I sold your old house and my villa. Also, I quit the company. Jonathan is the current CEO. I'm a disobedient child, right? But I want to do the things that I have an interest in. Honestly, I considered how you would feel when I took over the company." Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

Jacob sipped a little liquor. Then, he reached out and touched the engraved words on the gravestone.

It was very cold. Nevertheless, Jacob still kept his hand there. As he stared at the engraved words, Jacob felt like he was looking at his late father.

"This feels so cold. Do you also blame me for my decisions?" Jacob laughed at himself as he removed his hand from the tombstone.

As he looked around, he noticed that everywhere was deserted. 'Were the dead also lonely and depressed?

This is so sad. They had suffered from loneliness during their lifetime. Now they were still lonely even in death. Was there ever a time that they felt warmth?'

Jacob was shocked by his thoughts. Perhaps someday if he remembered when he signed the agreement, he wouldn't feel so sad.

At every stage in life, people had perceived things differently. Jacob knew that nothing could last forever. And in the world, change was constant.

"Now, I know that I was a disobedient child. But you didn't see me like that, right? You never punished me for my wrongs. So, I just enjoyed your love and took it for granted."

Jacob felt horrible at that moment. He reached out his hand and held his face.

This was to prevent the tears from streaming down his cheeks. But he then reasoned that there was no need. Even though he was a middle-aged man, Jacob would always be a child to Michael.

'Since he's my father, I can cry in his presence, right?'

Thinking of this, Jacob let the tears flow freely. He had kept his emotions bottled up for a long time.

As the tears rolled down his cheeks, Jacob could taste and smell them. They were salty and bitter.

"Dad, summer is coming. It is going to rain cats and dogs. But there's no shelter covering you. I feel so sad when I think of this. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I behaved badly. This is all my fault."

Jacob bowed down as he spoke. He looked miserable as he did that. For a while, he continued to cry and apologize. However, the only response he got was from the wind which blew around the tombstones and the hills.