Filthy Beautiful Forever(Filthy Beautiful Lies, #4)

CollinsI’m sitting up in bed with my laptop perched beside me, when Tatianna crawls into my lap.

“I’m going to be gone for the next few nights,” she whispers, bringing her mouth to my neck.

“Where’s the shoot this time?” I ask, peering around her head to finish typing the email I’m trying to send.

“In Utah,” she says. “I’m modeling a fall line for Calvin Klein.”

I always find it interesting how they plan a season ahead. She does swimwear work in the dead of winter for the following spring, and in the summertime, she models winter coats.

“Do you want me to take you to the airport on my way to work in the morning?” I ask.

She chuckles. “No. That’s not why I brought up my trip. I’m going to be gone for the next couple of nights.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “I want some.” Her hand reaches lower and she grabs onto my package, giving him a gentle squeeze. I’m soft, but she doesn’t seem to care.

She brings her lips to mine, and I kiss them, dutifully, but something about it feels off.

“Not tonight,” I tell her. There is no way I’d feel right being intimate with Tatianna knowing that Mia is right down the hall. “I’m tired, and I have a few more things to finish yet.”

“Why are you so stressed out, babe?” she asks, pressing her fingers to my temples and lightly rubbing.

“Mm, that feels nice.” I close my eyes and enjoy the relaxing sensation. She continues lightly rubbing, moving her hands into my hair and massaging my scalp.

I feel Tatianna’s lips against mine again and her pelvis press into me. “Come on, Collins, I want to have sex,” she breathes against my mouth. Her lips are stiff and practiced. I don’t know why I would just now notice that after three years of dating her.

I can’t help but recall the feeling of hot Mia’s mouth against mine. Her lips were full and lush and moved so easily with mine. I remember her suntanned curves, the freckles across the bridge of her nose, and the water droplets clinging to her dark eyelashes just before I took her mouth. Her tongue was shy at first, but when I deepened the kiss, she licked against my tongue and then sucked it into her mouth with a soft tug. My cock hardens at the memory.

“That’s it, babe,” Tatianna says encouraging, rubbing herself against my erection.

Fuck. I’m hard, but it’s not for Tatianna.

I remove her from my lap and rise from the bed. “I’m not feeling well tonight.” Why am I lying to her?

“What’s going on, Collins?” Her eyes narrow on mine and they’re full of confusion. I know she’s remembering the last time we had sex I couldn’t even orgasm. For which I still have no answer, because Mia wasn’t even here at that point.

Mia.

A fresh wave of memories flood my brain. The way her tight nipples felt against my chest, the way her generous ass felt in my palms as I held her in the water…

I adjust my erection and head into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

Placing both palms flat against the travertine counter, I stare straight ahead into the mirror. What in the fuck is going on with me? Dark blue eyes stare back at me, looking lost and uncertain. Everything in my life is so exact and calculating, I’m at a loss about what’s happening to me. Am I sick? Dying? I take several deep breaths and force myself to relax. I pace the large bathroom, walking from one end to the other while I try to clear my head.

Earlier, out in the cold water, when I’d kissed Mia’s soft lips, the promise we’d made to each other came rushing back. We haven’t talked seriously about that childhood promise, but shit, maybe we need to. There is obviously unsettled business between us, but the idea of marriage is insane. We were ten years old for fuck’s sake. You can’t decide who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with in fifth grade. I don’t even know if I want to get married. I haven’t ever given the concept much thought. Maybe it’s time I do, that way I can explain to Mia why it was a silly childhood fantasy, and why it can never happen. She will have to see reason.

I sink down onto the edge of the marble tub and push my hands into my hair. Christ, when did my life get so complicated? I have a woman who I’ve lived with for three years now, who I share my bed with, who fits into my carefully crafted plans. Then I have a woman who knows me, the real me, behind all the CEO corporate bullshit. She has completely upheaved my life in the space of 48 hours. She’s warm and giving, and I feel lighter in her presence. She’s fun and easy-going, nothing like Tatianna. Maybe her being here will prove to be a good thing. Get me to lighten up a little.

When I reenter the bedroom, Tatianna is curled onto her side, sound asleep. I pull back the blankets on my side of the bed and crawl in beside her. I should wake her and apologize, but instead, I let her sleep and grab my phone from the bedside table.

Before I even have time to process what I’m doing, I text Mia.

I had fun with you today.

Me too.

Her reply is almost instant. It makes me wonder if she’s lying in bed just down the hall thinking of me, a thought that makes me happy.

I’m contemplating what to write next when another text from her comes through.

Why are you texting me when you’re in bed with a supermodel?

Maybe being in bed with a supermodel isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

You shouldn’t talk that way about your GIRLFRIEND.All content © N/.ôvel/Dr/ama.Org.

It doesn’t escape my notice that the word girlfriend is in all caps.

I know. I’m sorry, I’m being a dick.

She doesn’t reply. I wait several minutes, wondering what’s going on inside her head. I wonder if she’s thinks I’m a piece of shit for kissing her today when I’m with someone else.

I wonder how long this is going to last-me and Tatianna. I can already feel myself pulling away from her. The only thing that scares me about ending things with Tatianna is the realization that then I’d have to face my future with Mia. Am I ready for that? Do I want a future with Mia?

Finally, I decide to text Mia again.

Do you forgive me?

I do… But Collins, about that marriage promise we made…

My stomach sinks. I tap out a hasty reply.

Let’s not talk about that yet.

Okay.