From Bully To Beloved

I kick down.

The first thing I do when we get home is head to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine. I have a feeling we’re going to need it. I pour two glasses and carry them into the dining room, where Sera has taken a seat at the table.

After a big sip of wine, she lowers her glass and finally meets my gaze. “If we’re going to talk about this, I don’t want to fight.”

“Who says that I do?”

“Years of knowing you and knowing how you like to push my buttons.”

“You’re right,” I admit. “But can’t you see that I’ve changed? I’m not twelve years old, Sera. You’re the one who’s still living in the past and can’t grow up.” I can see that my comment has hit her and it hurts me, but Sera has to face her problem, has to face us. “In all seriousness though, I don’t want to fight either.”

“Then whatdoyou want?”

“I want you to stay with me.” It’s all I want and all I can put on the table.

She takes a shuddering breath. It’s the only thing that gives some kind of hint as to what she’s feeling. “Cal…”

“Just hear me out. You know I care about you, and I know you care about me. We’re good together. We don’t have to end our relationship because the month is up. We can give this a go, for real.”

“Just like that?” Sera asks. “You want us to stay married so we can start dating?”

“A strange way to put it but, yes, that’s exactly what I want.”

For the first time since she got on my bike, she cracks a small smile. “Everything about this is strange. I’m pretty sure dating is supposed to comebeforemarriage.”

“That’s how that kiddie rhyme goes, isn’t it? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Sera with a baby carriage.”

She gives a sweet chuckle. “So they say.” Taking a deep breath, she slowly sips her wine. “Cal, you make all of this sound so easy.”

“It is easy.”

“No, it’s not. I’ve thought about this for days and days now.”

I raise one brow.

“Yes. We are two very different people. We lead two separate lives. We both want different things. This was all temporary. You have your dealership and your businesses. I’m starting this new job at The Diner and trying to get my artwork out there… It’s just a lot to handle right now. I’m not somebody who reacts on impulse without a second thought to the consequences. I’d rather wait things out, take my time. Yeah, in Justinry staying together sounds great, but what is that actually going to look like?”

“Anything we want it to!”

Sera sighs. “I can’t make a permanent decision based off a temporary emotion. Please try to respect my decision. There are feelings between us, yes, feelings I was not anticipating or ready for. But if you’re not willing to even attempt to see things from my point of view, what kind of relationship could that be? Honestly, it’s better if we just stay friends.”

Is she joking? “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Eh…it’s better than nothing, no?”

“No. It’s worse than nothing. Get a grip, woman. Anyway, I’m asking you to follow your heart, not your head,” I explain, keeping my voice calm. “Okay, yeah, sure, we don’t know where this is going. But that’s okay. We don’t need to have every little detail planned out. What’s the fun in that? Life is about seizing the day because tomorrow isn’t set in stone. You have feelings for me, so choose me. Choose us.”

After a moment’s pause during which she stares at me in disbelief, I add, “You changed my world, Sera. For the better. I can change yours-if you just let me.”

“Please, Cal. Let’s not make this any worse.”

“I’ve hired a realtor to look for a big new apartment for us.”Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

For a moment, she’s speechless.

First, I take it as a good sign. But then she slumps back in a way that makes me glad I didn’t present her with signed papers and keys to our big new apartment.

“Youwhat? Unbelievable. See? That proves my point exactly. You want to change my life by making decisions, on important things, without asking me. You want to mold me into something that fits your fucking world, not the other way around. We’re just too different-”

“No. You’re scared and taking the easy way out.”

“You think this is easy?” she asks, shaking her head. Her voice reflects her frustration. There’s disappointment in her words. “Do you honestly think that ending this is easy for me?”

“Certainly seems that way. It seems like you’re going to throw away what we have to play it safe.” I lean back in my seat.

“Who’s playing it safe? I have a huge opportunity that I’ve worked half my life for. How is taking over a restaurant and being responsible for all those people working there playing it safe?”

“Because you’re staying where you feel at ease and in control. Sera, you have to branch out, especially if you want to be happy.”

“But Iwashappy with my life,” she insists. “Hell, Istillam.”

“You were content. Not happy.”

“I have Marie and Kelly, and everyone else at The Diner. They’re my family-like Justin and everyone at your dealership is yours. They make my heart smile, and what I do or don’t do is going to affect them in the long run. Marie was there for me when my mom became sick, and she helped me time and time again when I was in a jam, especially in the last three years. I can’t just blow that off because I feel like it. This isn’t just a business decision, it’s a personal one. Why can’t you see that?”

I want to shout. I want to shake her. I don’t know how to make her understand what I’m saying, what I envision for our future. We’re talking in circles, and it’s getting us nowhere.

Then I remember that this is Sera. My Seraphine. The most strong-willed, unyielding, stubborn woman on the planet. If I push, she pushes harder. Not much has ever been able to change her mind once her heart is set on something. She’s a feisty little thing, so goddamn bull-headed-and that’s exactly why my pull to her is so fucking huge.

Maybe she’s right. Maybe not. In any case, we won’t get any further.

I fucking hate it.

I hate that I can see her point, that I understand where she’s coming from, not because of some stupid childish need to be right, but because it means I’d have to accept that as much as I care about her, as much as I love her, if she doesn’t want to stay, isn’t ready or willing to see where this relationship can go, then there’s nothing I can do about it.

I’ve gotten to a point where she needs to take the next step.

A heavy atmosphere settles around us, and we fall silent, staring at each other. She’s waiting for my response, waiting to hear what I have to say.

And for once, I can’t find the words.

The silence is broken by a heavy knock at the door.