FORTY SIX
=ASHER’s POV=
I woke up and feel Ashley hugging me. So I pulled myself closer to her and hugged her too. I simply smile while looking at her peacefully sleeping.
She looks like an angel. The angel that sent for me.
I touched her face and kissed her forehead. I see her smiling and she draws herself even closer.
I knew she was having a hard time with what I was doing to her. I could see the fear in her eyes every time I approached her. She was already afraid of me and she was already afraid of what I could do to her.
I can’t blame her. In the punishment I did to her I could not blame her for being afraid of me. In the short time of her return, I did nothing but hurt her and let her pay for leaving me.
I let her experience the pain that I also experienced.
I saw her and Agatha earlier. They were both crying and hugging. I know Agatha already knows the truth but she won’t talk to me. From what I saw, I knew that Ashley was going through something that they cannot tell me, so Agatha sympathized with her.
It was heavy, it hurt so much that she wanted her to just carry it. I want to know the truth but if she doesn’t want to let me know. I think I need to respect her decision.
I don’t want to mess with her anymore. This is the least I can do to help her.
“I love you,” I said while crying. She can’t hear me but hopefully, it can reach her dream. “Forgive me for everything I’ve done to you. Forgive me if I hurt you too much.” I hugged her, and she hugged me tight even though she remained asleep.
“I want you back. I love you so much, Ashley. Please be my wife again?” I hope she can hear me. Though I know that it’s impossible what I am asking, I still want to say it.
As we became one last night I could feel her love. I feel that she’s happy with what I’m doing to her. I feel like she likes what we do. Our moves are full of love and enjoyment while making love.
In her voice every time she mentions my name, in her looks at me she is happy and she surely loves what we do. And when she said she loved me I knew it came from her heart.
As they say, only two hearts that truly love each other can feel each other’s hearts. So my heart feels that everything Ashley made me feel last night was full of love.
Love for me despite what happened to us and what I did to her.
I knew she is having a hard time. I know her heart is already confused between me and Charles. I wanted to be selfish and take her back but I knew we would only get hurt both because she couldn’t let go of that Charles.
I don’t know what that Charles really means in her life. What she did to Ashley and why Ashley couldn’t let her go. Maybe in him, Ashley saw the ones that I can’t give to my wife.
How did she make my wife happy and in what way was it?
All I wanted was to get her back as my wife but it seemed impossible for that to happened. Because that Charles is the one who makes her happy even though she loves me too.
I kiss her forehead while crying. I don’t want to lose her forever but I need to. I need to because I love her. Because she is having a hard time. Because she is already hurting.
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The pain is enough.
We have to let go of each other for her to be happy.
“I will miss you, Ash. I will miss everything on you. Thank you for tonight. For the last time somehow I felt that you love me and that hasn’t changed.” I couldn’t help but cry while talking to her asleep. I love her dearly but I need to let her go.
I get up and fix myself. For the last time, I watch her sleep.
Now only, I feel like I’m going to die in pain every time I think she’s no longer mine. I sat on the floor while watching her.
“Ashley,” I whispered as I cried and held her hand. “I love you.” I can’t, I can’t leave her. I don’t want to lose her.
“What will I do?” I cried and cried asking myself if there was still a way to get her. If there is still a way for her to stay with me. If there were any more I had to do to get her back without hurting us both. I just bowed down and I didn’t know what to do because apart from being hurt I was also confused.
Should I fight for her or should I give up?
She is my wife so she should be mine.
“I love you so much, please don’t leave me, Charles,” I looked up and saw her crying while asleep. My heart aches when I hear what she says. “Please stay with me, baby, please don’t leave, I’m begging you.”
So, this is a sign?
This means that she herself has already made her choice.
I got up and laid the key to her house on the table. I didn’t leave first and I didn’t look at her either. I remain standing more a while.
What I heard is enough to end us.
“Goodbye, Ashley.”
I leave the place with a heavy heart. She asked for forgiveness so she came back. I will give her the forgiveness she wants so that she will not suffer. If that can ease her heart, I will give it to her with all my heart.
It hurts for me to lose her again but if it will be good for her. I will endure the pain.
Because she had already chosen and she chose that Charles over me.