Chapter 84: To Let Go
Desmond
“I want to move to Elian.”
Seraphina didn’t waste any time when she told me that she wished to speak with me in my renovated study room after a few days of recuperating in the infirmary.
Also, I changed the location of my study room and made my previous room a storage room.
Seraphina had been feeling uncomfortable going to my previous study room, so I decided to renovate it and make it a storage room. I knew that it reminded her of my infidelity years ago.
Sander was right. Seraphina was going to tell me that she wanted to go to Elian… to the vacation house I built for her.
My heart was constricted right now with what Seraphina said. And the way she was looking at me with pure coldness was enough to hurt my wolf right now.
“Is this… for certain?” I felt a huge lump in my throat right now, asking for that. How much more if I decided to agree with it?
And I had to follow Sander’s unilateral agreement. If I love my mate, I must let her go now. That was what Sander had been telling me.
Seraphina nodded her head while she was caressing her bulging stomach. I had this feeling of envy that I could never hold her stomach again. “Also, Sander agreed that he would be with me for three days while he is going to stay here in your pack for four days.”
I creased my forehead. “Shouldn’t he suppose to be with you for four days?”
She arched her eyebrow. “He said that you told him that you are going to stay here in your pack for four days because he needs to be taught because of his duties as an heir.”
In what she said, Sander’s words from the other night echoed in my head.
“I might have said those hurtful, truthful words but I am still your first child. I will inherit your Alpha position of the Rising Diamond pack and be the next head of the House of Marquis Verlice.”
I hated to say this but my son was manipulating everything now. He was controlling everything in the shadows and Seraphina had no idea about how our son threatened me.
I cleared my throat, nodding. “Ah, yes. Indeed. I have forgotten about it.” I looked at her with longing. Seraphina had gotten thin a little. I wanted to hug her but Sander said that I must stay away from her from now on.
I didn’t wish to hurt her anymore.
“Alright. You can go to Elian.”
Seraphina looked surprised at my response. “Y-You are not going to… stop me?”
Fuck… I wanted to disagree that Seraphina was leaving but this was for her own good.
I coerced a smile. “I have caused you so much trouble, Seraphina. And I do not wish to anger you.” Also, I did not wish to anger my son anymore. If I anger Seraphina, Sander would, too.
I would lose them forever if that happened.
“And I think it is best if we are far away from each other. Anderson said that I am the triggering factor that may cause your miscarriage.” She looked away upon hearing that. She kept caressing her stomach as if she was seeking comfort in it. “I do not want to lose our second pup. I would kill myself if that happens if I hurt you again.”
Seraphina shed tears after that. It pained me as I wanted to hold her but it was the best that I must halt myself. I must distance myself from her.
But goddamnit! I wanted to hug her!
She gulped. “I thought that we had to argue about me choosing to leave your pack. That is actually a relief…”
That actually made my heart ache when she said that she felt relieved. It meant that whenever we talked, it would always end up that we were arguing. I felt terrible that I had traumatized Seraphina like this.
What a bastard I was!
I nodded my head. “I shall notify George to settle the vacation house right away. When are you going to leave?”
“A-As soon as possible.”
“I see…” As soon as possible, she said… Damn it… “I shall write him a letter.” I decided to stand up and approached my desk. “If you have anything I need to arrange, just tell me and I shall make it happen,” I said, not looking at her as I started writing a letter to George.
“About you visiting the vacation house…”
I glanced at her. “Do you… not want me to visit you?” I felt hurt at my question. If ever she wished for that, I didn’t think that I would be able to keep my sanity.
Seraphina blinked. “Um… That is not what I mean. Y-You can still visit. But we must keep our distance.”
“Understood. I shall visit you every Saturday.”
She looked surprised that I easily agreed. She couldn’t retort back as she was rendered speechless. If she thought that I could quickly agree with this term, I would not. It was so hard for me to even adjust right now.
“I do not want you to have secret visits again,” Seraphina added. “Just like what you did when I was recuperating in the infirmary.”
I held the quill pen so tight before I sighed, coercing a smile. “My apologies if I did that. I just… missed you so much.” I gulped and looked away. I heard Seraphina’s heart racing rapidly. “If that is what you wish then I would adhere to your demands.”
Adhere to her demands… I highly doubt that I would ever follow the part where she wanted no secret visits.
Let’s see if my wolf would not dare to entice me.
“R-Right…” I understood if she was looking at me weirdly. “Are you certain that you are not plotting or scheming again?”
I looked at her, shocked. There was bitterness in my smile. Seraphina had been cautious with me. “I understand if you are being cautious but no. I am not plotting anything.” I finished my writing before I looked up at her. “I am not going to do anything that would harm our second pup, Seraphina… I hope you will forgive me. I am not going to force you into marrying me again. Rest assured.”
It was because this was my son’s wish. Perhaps, I would just watch them from afar. That would be the best for the two of us.
“That is… good to hear.” There was hesitation in her tone. “I don’t think I will ever let you see Sander if something happens to our pup. I will forever curse you to death if I have a miscarriage, Desmond.”
“Yes. I understand.” Nodding, I stood up. “Perhaps, you need to rest now. I am certain that being in two months of pregnancy shall tire you more. I shall summon Elron to escort you upstairs.” I opened the door for her. “Please say good night to our little one.” I lowered my gaze to her bulging stomach. “And… have a good night to you…” … seraphim.
My seraphim… My angel…This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.
“Hmm.” Seraphina nodded. “Good night, Desmond.”
As she walked past me, I couldn’t help smelling her scent that lingered in the air. I suddenly wanted to hug her but I knew that I couldn’t approach her anymore. I needed to respect her space.
I did not want to make her uncomfortable anymore.
When she left, I closed the door and rested my forehead on the door, feeling my heart ache more. How I wanted to hold my dearest seraphim right now. I had missed her so badly. I wanted to let her know that I would always be here for her but I didn’t want to creep her out.
“You need to suffer, Desmond…” I mumbled to myself. “You do not deserve them…” I chanted to punish myself.
I finished my work before I decided to visit the twins. “Papa!” I couldn’t help but be softened when they greeted me with a hug.
I hugged them back. “How is your day, Harolyn, Hezekiah?” I asked when Hazel arrived with a smile on her lips. I frowned upon seeing her.
It couldn’t help that I would have to see her since she was the mother of the twins.
“Papa, brother Sander taught us how to hold a wooden sword this afternoon.” It was Hezekiah who already idolized his older brother.
“Hmm! I love my brother Sander, Papa. He is very considerate of us.” Harolyn giggled.
“That is good to hear.” I kissed their foreheads.
I had learned to accept that they were really my children from Hazel. They both had the same amber eyes that only Verlice could ever have. So, there was no doubt that they have the Verlice blood running in their veins.
“I am glad that you are going along with your older brother.” That was a relief my first pup was being considerate to them. I was afraid that Sander would have ill feelings towards them but I was totally wrong.
He accepted them and loved them so dearly.
I checked my pocket watch. “Perhaps, it is time for bed for the two of you. Shall Papa tuck you two in?”
“Hmm!” They hopped on their beds and waited for me to kiss them on their foreheads.
“Have a good night, Harolyn.” I kissed my daughter’s forehead. “And to you, Hezekiah.” I kissed his forehead.
“Good night, Papa,” they said in unison.
Before I would leave the manor, Hazel spoke to me. “I am glad you are not acting hostile on them, Alpha Desmond.”
I squinted my eyes at her. “It is none of your business if I would act hostile or not, Hazel.” I did not wish to speak with her anymore.
She scoffed. “What a very frightening attitude. Other men would fall head over heels for me but you are different even if you had gotten me pregnant.” She rolled her eyes.
“You should get some life and accept your mate who has been pursuing you. You are acting delusional as if you would even have the chance to become my Luna. That is never going to happen.”
That made her look displeased at my words. “I am still not going to give up though.” She smirked.
Shaking my head, I decided to leave, not wanting to engage in a conversation with her. I regretted that I picked her as a surrogate mother for our pup before. Damn it… It was a wrong idea to think about surrogacy.
It shattered my marriage with Seraphina. And now… I did not know how to fix it anymore.
Since I couldn’t sleep, I decided to sit on the grass to enjoy the scenery of the orchids here in Luna’s Garden. I had missed Seraphina and me looking at the stars while she was enjoying her favorite flower here.
Drinking some whisky, I shed a tear before I instantly wiped it away. Releasing a sigh, I cocked my head before I spoke. “Is there anything you need to discuss with me, son?” I already felt his presence since I arrived here.
I could tell that he wanted to watch me from where he was hiding. But I could tell his scent and his presence.
I felt my son’s presence as he stood beside me. “Well done, Papa. You did right this time,” he said in a beaming tone.
He was talking about Seraphina and me. Perhaps, Seraphina discussed what we talked about earlier. “Did I make my son happy this time?” I asked and glanced at him.
My heart skipped a beat seeing his golden lock hair like his mother’s hair. It felt nostalgic.
“Yes.” Sander released a sigh as he giggled. “I believe in you that you will not be stubborn again and hurt Mama. Perhaps, our discourse from the other night has woken you up?” He glanced at me with a smile. “Right, Papa?”
Sander was very calculative. He was a sage and sharp-witted kid just as Seraphina said. He was not naive and he was well aware of our situation even if we did not inform him.
“You are right. Thank you for making your father realize how idiot he is.” I emptied the whisky and made a guttural sound, feeling how this drink made me want to take back from drinking. “It is time to let go of your mother. This is for the best of all of us.” I tapped the space beside me. “Come and sit with me, Sander.”
He shook his head. “I am about to sleep, Papa. I only escaped here so I can speak with you. Please don’t tell Mama that I am still awake at this hour.” His voice sounded frightened this time.
I chuckled and smiled. He was really scared of his mother. Ah… My Seraphina… I would be frightened, too. I understood him. “I promise.” I stood up and winced his hair. “Go and sleep.” I lowered my head to kiss him on his forehead. “Good night, Sander.”
Sander nodded and hugged my waist. “Good night, Papa.”
I watched him leave. This time… I knew for sure that Sander would be a great Alpha someday.
And he would be a great father and husband when the time comes.
“I hope you will not be like me, Sander…” I mumbled, smiling bitterly. “Don’t be like me…”