In Love With My Boyfriend’s Brother

I call a cab and as soon as we reach the street address I ask him to drop me off right there. I still have to find the courage to go talk to him.

My heart doesn’t want to be quiet and the anxiety is killing me little by little.

I sit down for a while. It doesn’t work. I go into a small convenience store and buy some water. I sit down on the bench in the square again.

I am worried about his reaction. What if I screwed up that afternoon when he came to me?

I take a deep breath. I don’t want to think that nothing will go wrong. I’m here, aren’t I? That’s proof enough that I want to be with him, even though I said I preferred Matt thousand times over.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

How could you, Sky?

I whimper.

I get up and head toward the house address. But just as I’m walking a few more yards ahead, I see him walk out the door. He’s with some guys and some girls too. But the only person that interests me is him.

My heart races. He says something and smiles biting his lips.

I freeze. But my heart hurts.

I miss this smile so much that I even take a deep breath to keep my eyes on him.

I move my eyes down his body. And I remember him glued to mine. He is wearing a white T-shirt and black jeans. But I prefer to imagine him pressed against me, shirtless and kissing me and…

Damn Sky, you’re in the middle of the street, girl.

I want to go talk to him so bad, I’m still frozen here doing nothing.

A car approaches, he walks over and he calls out to some more girls, they get in the car and I just watch them drive away.

I’m frustrated.

I’m tired.

I’m hating whoever is driving that car.

I’m hating myself for not running out and jumping on it.

…

I get to my room and collapse on my bed. I could have waited for them to come back, I could have gone to the address, but what to do there? The one I wanted to see was no longer there.

And as much as I wished him well, it didn’t feel good to see him surrounded by so many girls and with that huge smile.

Something that I haven’t seen happens to me since he left my life.Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

I wake up and sit up in bed.

I don’t know what to do. I no longer have the conviction to look for him that I had yesterday when I arrived.

Maybe he doesn’t even remember me anymore. He seemed too good to me for someone who swore to love me in words and writing as well.

But Yan and his bipolar behavior have always made me very confused about everything.

For example, I am already insecure and think that this trip was a bad idea.

But since I’m here, I’m going to take a walk to see if that courage from yesterday comes back.

…

I spend a few hours shopping, then go back to the hotel, have lunch, watch a little TV, take a shower and it is already afternoon when I decide to change and go back to that address. It is Sunday and maybe he will be there.

I get out of the cab and take a deep breath.

I stare at the door for a while, heart racing, hands sweating, and ring the bell, closing my eyes for a second after doing so.

Now it’s all or nothing.

The door opens. I smile nervously, but it is not Yan who is standing there staring at me. It’s a blond boy, who looks me up and down and says with a suggestive smile:

“Can I help?”

I ask:

“Is Yan there?”

He rolls his eyes:

“Of course, that is up to Yan.”

I still wait for an answer and he says:

“No. He left.”

What the fuck.

I take a deep breath.

“Can you tell me where he is?”

He looks at me without much desire to do so, I insist:

“I’m a friend of his from New York. I need to talk to him.”

He scratches his head and says after a while:

“He must be at Sarah’s house. Hold on a moment.”

He comes back with a piece of paper in his hand and says:

“I think this is her address.”

I smile and thank him. He closes the door as soon as I turn around.

On the way, I ask myself:

Who is Sarah?

Then I focus on the idea that I will finally get to see him again and forget about anything else.

…

Facing the address, I take another deep breath and say to myself:

“Now I will go.”

I smile to keep my nervousness away. I ring the doorbell.

I hear his voice saying:

“I’ll get it.”

My heart almost leaps out of my chest. He opens the door.

He stares at me.

I say:

“Hi”

He is surprised when he finally says:

“Sky?”

He still stares at me. I don’t know what to do, I want to hold him tight for hours, but he doesn’t indicate his reaction, he just doesn’t seem to believe I’m here.

I finally say:

“Well, I came here to…”

But before I can finish any sentence, a girl appears at the door smiling and hugs him, looking at me and asking him:

“Who is it?”

He closes his eyes for a moment. I look at her arms around his body.

Wow.

That hurts.

I take a deep breath, but it’s hard to find my breath.

He just says:

“This is Sky.”

He is bewildered when he completes:

“A friend from New York.”

Friend?

Well, I think I see what’s going on here.

She smiles even wider as she looks at him again. She is pretty. Actually, I would say, beautiful. With big brown hair.

He then extends his hand and says:

“Wow, come on in!”

I hold his hand as he greets me.

I don’t even want to tell you how I feel when he touches me. It’s a quick greeting, but full of words that won’t be spoken.

He seems a little upset about the whole thing. He can’t be any worse off than I am.

I don’t know if I want to go in. I still stand there and the girl holds out her hand to me as well and says:

“I’m Sarah. Come in. Any friend of Yan’s is a friend of mine too.”

My God, she’s adorable.

I already hate her.

Not that I want to, but it’s like instinct.

I go in.

If it was hard to breathe outside, imagine in here. The house looks more like a mansion. She invites me to go in a little further and chatters about being at the pool having juice and that I should follow her.

Yan looks down.

We haven’t even had contact yet and this mansion seems small for the two of us and this tension.

Sarah takes his hand and I follow them toward the pool. I’m glad there’s no one else here but us, I don’t know if I can pretend I’m okay to anyone but her.

He finally looks up at me as we sit down.

I see the pain in his eyes. I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore.

And all I can think about is how the hell did I end up in the pool at Yan’s supposed new girlfriend’s house?