Scream For me

Jade and I walked to the kitchen, and she started taking out ingredients for cookies from the different cupboards. I liked that she’d made herself at home in my holiday home.

“Where did you learn to bake?” I asked.

She shrugged. “It’s something we always did as kids,” she said. “My mom taught me, and my aunt Hannah always joined in. She is closer to my age than my mum, so it was like having a sister rather than an aunt. She’s the one I work for now, at the offices”

“My ex used to bake all the time,” I said, my mind drifting back to Sabrina. “I don’t know why I just told you that.” I glanced up at Jade.

“You can talk about it, you know.”

“Can I?” I asked and chuckled bitterly. “I pushed everything about her away for so long…I’m still pissed off at her, if I’m honest.”

“She put a lot on your shoulders and disappeared,” Jade said softly. “You have every right to be upset.”

“I am upset because it still bothers me,” I admitted. “She didn’t only fuck things up between us and dump a baby on my doorstep, but after so many years, it still bugs me, and I think that’s the worst part of it. I wish I could just forget.”

Jade nodded, listening, and I kept talking because she created a silence for me to fill. Even though I didn’t know why I was pouring my heart and soul out to Jade, she was so easy to talk to and good at listening.

I scratched the back of my head, feeling stupid for unloading so much on Jade, but now that the topic had been breached, it was like a dam wall had broken. “Now and then, I think I’m done. I’ve managed to move on, and I’m over it. And then, out of the blue…she comes back and fucks me over again. Not physically, of course, but mentally. Emotionally.”

I pressed my lips together and flattened my hands on the kitchen counter. Jade continued baking, adding the wet ingredients first. Eggs, sugar, butter, milk.

“Do you want to mix this while I do the dry ingredients?” she asked.

I nodded, and she handed me the bowl with a whisk. I went to town, whisking the living shit out of the batter, taking out my anger on it.

Maybe that was what Jade had had in minegiving me something to do with my hands while I talked.

“How long were you together before you broke up?” Jade asked.

“Not very long, only a year and a half. It seems long, then. Now, it’s nothing. I guess we all grow up, don’t we?”

“It doesn’t have to be a long relationship for it to mean something,” Jade said. “It was like that with me and my ex-boyfriend, too.”

I looked up at her, curious. I wanted to know about this ex-boyfriend of hers, why they weren’t together anymore. We could talk about that later, though. Right now, for some reason, Sabrina wouldn’t leave me alone, spinning around in my mind again and again. Maybe it was a good thing that I was getting it out. I never talked to anyone about this.

“I thought I was going to marry her,” I admitted.

“Were you that serious about her?” Jade asked.

I shrugged. “I was as serious as I could be at the time, I guess. It wasn’t as much about being serious as it was about doing the right thing for the family legacy. You know? Being a Steele is hard work, and there are a lot of expectations. I was trying to fulfill them.” I laughed bitterly again. “That blew up in my face, too. I’m the fucking scandal of the family now.”

Jade frowned and lowered the cup with which she’d been measuring flour. I’d stopped whisking the milky batter in my bowl.

“Because you did the right thing?” she asked.

I shrugged. “The right thing is relative. My family is all about imageall the Cavaliers are.”

When Jade frowned again, looking confused, I realized she didn’t know what the Cavaliers were. I explained to her about the club we all joined in college, how it was exclusively for rich men in families with good bloodlines, and how we always had to pass along our family legacy, raising children who could carry on the good work of making money and looking good.

“It sounds like more hard work than anything else,” Jade said.

I nodded. “It is a lot of hard work. But we have good friends because of it, too. We all have each other’s backs, in a way. I made friends at the Cavaliers who are there for me no matter what. I wouldn’t trade that for the world, but sometimes, I wish there wouldn’t be so much pressure on me to improve. The honest truth is…I just can’t be better than I am right now.”

Jade put down the bowl she’d been mixing the dry ingredients in and walked around the counter island to come to me. She cupped my face and looked into my eyes, her gaze filled with warmth.

“I think you are the best version of yourself, and you don’t have to change anything. I know my opinion isn’t worth a lot, but”

“It’s worth a lot more than you know,” I said and covered her hand with mine.

“It’s worth a lot to me.”

She smiled at me, a genuine smile that reached all the way down to my soul. God, I liked her. I liked her so much, it hurt.

This week was going to end soon. In just two more days, we would head back home. It looked like the snow would melt enough for us to be able to get out of here, and then we all had to go back to reality.Belongs to (N)ôvel/Drama.Org.

I wanted Jade in my life at home, too. I didn’t want to leave all of this here and walk away.

Would it work, though? Could I live with her at my side as a girlfriend, wife, and mother to Ben?

She walked around the counter island and continued baking, and I started whisking again. The conversation turned to lighter things, and we baked the cookies together. When we popped them into the oven, I pulled her close to me.

“This week has been incredible.”

She smiled, her eyes bright. “It has.”

“Let’s see if we can take a walk outside. The snow might be melted enough,” I offered.

She nodded and disappeared to the bedroomher things had migrated into my room over the past weekto find a coat. While she got ready, I waited, thinking about how I felt and what I wanted.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wanted to try.

I hoped she wanted it, too.