Secret Doors

Portia’s P. O. V:

I packed all my things early in the morning and had breakfast at the Bistro before checking out. I ate at the spot where Levi and I ate for the very first time. After eating I go to my room and get my things then carry Mr. Eve with me. “You need help with your baggage?” A sweet customer service crew lend me some help. “Thank you, You are so sweet.” I thanked her as I hand her some of my things. I return the keycard of my room and put my luggage in the back of my car. I put Mr. Eve in the backseat and the chauffeur hand me my keys.

“Take care, Ms. Portia.” The chauffeur told me. “I will thank you so much.” I thanked him before he closes the door for me. “So we are going home now Mr. Eve. Ready?” I talked to my teddy bear and drove away. It takes four hours to reach the main city so I decided to stop at a fast food chain to buy something to eat where I bumped into a blonde-haired man. I think I have seen this man but I can’t remember where.

“Can I get one cheeseburger pound, a strawberry milkshake, one pudding, and one extra large fries?” The blonde guy said. Is this Aleksi the one I danced with at the party? I asked myself while looking for a meal. After he gets his order our shoulders bumped into each other. “Sorry.” He said and he looks at me. I guess I I right but I’m shy to approach him. His eyes are blue like the ones in the mask. “Ahm excuse me, ma’am? May I get your order?” The cashier snatched my attention.

“Oh! Yes, sorry.” I told her and proceed with my order. “Give me a cheeseburger pound and chocolate milkshake, a large fries, and a caramel sundae.” I gave my order to her. After I paid my bill I look around for a place where I can eat but it seems like the place is too busy and there are no vacant seats. I found the blonde guy again sitting alone so I tried my luck and approached him. “May I have this seat?” I asked politely, he eyed me and nodded.

“Sure you can occupy that space it’s empty.” He agrees. “Thank you so much.” I thank him and place my tray of food in front of him. He was busy with his phone while eating and taking down some notes. Wow, what a great man dealing with three things at one time. I eat quietly as I don’t want to disturb him. I open my phone and look if I got a message from Levi but I didn’t receive any. Maybe he’s so busy right now. I wonder what he was doing right now. Is he done having lunch? Where is he? Did he skip breakfast just like what he told me?

A tap on my right hand gets me back to my senses. “Yes?” I asked the guy. “The crew gives you a cup of soft drinks.” The blonde guy said to me. “Oh, but I didn’t order one,” I replied to him. “I guess this is a free drink because I also receive one.” He explains to me. “Oh, really? Thank you.” I thanked him and he handed me the cup of soft drinks. “Anyways my name is Aleksi.” The blonde guy finally introduced himself to me.

I was right he is the one I danced with at the party. “I’m Portia. Nice meeting you.” I also introduced myself to him. “I think I have heard about your name but I can’t remember where. Anyways nice to meet you too.” He said thinking but offering me a handshake. I accept the formality and we both laugh. “You know what I think I have met you somewhere but I wasn’t sure.” I honestly confessed to him.

“Really? Where?” He asked with excitement in his tone. “Have you attended the Le Grande Hotel’s Party?” I asked shyly to him. “Oh yes, the masquerade party?” He asked maybe remembering something. “Are the girl in the ruby necklace? The one who won the spotlight?” He asked me. It made me shy as the thought flashes to my memory, especially the part where Levi and I kissed. I nodded to him, “Yes it was me.” I answered and he smiles at me.

“I think we both paired at the dance,” Aleksi said to me. “Me too. By the way, it was nice seeing you here.” I answered feeling a little awkward as I feel shy talking to him. “Yes, I feel delighted seeing you here also.” He said feeling shy too. We had a little more conversation trying to ease the awkwardness up until we feel comfortable with each other. It feels so exciting talking to this person, he has good common sense and humor.

We ended up exchanging numbers. “Here’s my calling card Portia. Call me if you need some help.” Aleksi handed me his calling card. “Thanks for the wonderful lunch with you Aleksi. Here’s my calling card too.” I handed my calling card to him in exchange. We both leave the fast food chain and parted at the parking lot. “I’ll be going now. I still have to pick up my friend.” He excused himself. “Me too. Let’s talk sometime.” I replied to him and I hopped into my car.

We both drive at the opposite road and I smile at the thought of meeting a stranger. I guess I’m learning to cope up with my very shy attitude. Maybe I’m returning to my old self slowly.

Another long drive before I get to see the town where I currently reside. As I am entering the boundaries of the city and the rural, I felt butterflies in my stomach and it aches. I am back with my reality, the tiring, boring, and lifeless life alone came rushing to me. The reality also hits me that I will never fit into Levi’s world. That sophisticated and full of color life he has will never accept me. I feel the rush more when I finally reached my house and open the door. It’s all dull, the color of the living room, the lifeless kitchen, and of course my messy office and the bedroom which I never get the chance to clean and decorate.

It’s still the same old space from the very start I bought this house. The only thing that is changing here was my bed sheets and pillow case which are all in the same colors. Even me I didn’t change I just work and work and work. I can’t even remember when was the last time I spend holidays here as I always work during holidays. When was the last time I even cook a meal in my kitchen? Do I have any food in my refrigerator?

I didn’t even know because I’m always out. Eat the most affordable or sometimes the fanciest I can eat then go home to sleep then walk up to work again. This was because I’m too afraid I will only miss mom. I never dare to move on or go out of my comfort zone. All I know is to run away from all the feelings I didn’t want to feel. I never figure out a thing for myself. All I know was to escape that strange feeling of being left alone but the pain is all left here in my heart and I never get the chance to express it.

I put up a mask that made me look strong and tough but to be honest, I’m weak and scared. I left for vacation to Le Grande to escape the toxic reality before with Levi he made me feel I can move. I can forget the things in the past, he gave me the reason to somehow let me out of my shell. The feeling that I can be who I am without any fear of being compared. The feeling of being wild, young, and fearless…Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I cried and shattered everything in my room my living room and every corner of my house. I scream all the pain I’m feeling like I’m some kind of a crazy psycho. I might look pathetic but I let it all out all the unwanted feelings I’m scared to express. “After all this mess mom, I will move on from you to dad, to the first guy who broke my heart, and to all the people who try to break me from giving me this unwanted feeling of being compared and left alone.” I sobbed and continue breaking all the things I have.

After I clean this mess the old Portia will be dead. I will be the greatest version of myself. I will not wear that mask anymore. I will embrace being a strong and empowered woman. I’ll make sure to fit in your world Levi when you come back, I will be compatible with you because you are perfectly matched to me. You won’t fight with this alone.