Teacher's Girl (Aflyingwhale)

Chapter 20: Emotional Intercept 

IAN's POV : Content © provided by NôvelDrama.Org.

She was still shaking.I could barely keep my focus on the road as I drove.Images from before kept flashing into my head.

How he was on top of her, how she was crying for dear life, how her dress was torn, how his mouth was on her neck, and how his pene were all over her body...

Fuck.

I should have killed that son of a bitch.I had to take a lot of deep breaths to calm myself.And every time I glanced at her on the passenger seat, she just had her head down and her body was still shaking.

There were so many things going through my head, so many questions I wanted to ask her, but now wasn't a good time.She needed some peace of mind and I had to give it to her.

"Are you cold?"I asked when I saw her shivered.

"No,"she replied and pulled my jacket closer to her.

"Is it ok if we go to your house? Or do you wanna be someplace else?"

"No, I wanna go home,"her voice was strained and tired.

We didn't say anything else throughout the whole car ride.

I drove her back to her house since it was closer, and she probably needed the rest.

When the car arrived across the street from her place, I killed the engine and took a deep breath.

Emma knew I wanted to say some things, so she just sat there and waited patiently.

"Are you gonna be okay going back in there? I can take you somewhere else if you want?"

"No, that’s okay, my parents are asleep,"she replied,

"I should go home and get some sleep,"

I nodded and she reached for the door, but before she could leave, I gripped her hand and held her back.I thought this could wait until tomorrow, but I couldn't wait any longer.I had to ask her.

"I need to ask you, Emma,"I sighed in frustration,

"What the hell happened out there?"

She swallowed hard and sat back down.She turned to me and her eyes glistened with tears.

"lan, please don’t be mad at me,"

"I won't be mad at you," I said reassuringly,

"Start from the beginning.What happened when I left?"

She looked so scared that she wouldn't speak.

So I reached for her face and caressed her cheek gently as I said, "Papy girl, tell me what happened,"

She nodded her head slightly and started to speak, "After you left...Zach came to my house.He saw that I got into your car and he took a picture of us.He told me he wouldn't tell anyone and that he'll delete the photo if I agree to..."

"If you agree to what?"

She didn’t answer me, so I had to fill in the blank on my own.

"..To sleep with him?"

She didn't say a word, but that look in her eye gave it away.

"What the f—! Are you fuckin’ serious right now?"

I couldn't help myself from yelling aloud, "And you said yes?!"

"I didn’t say anything.I met him because I thought I can still talk him out of it.But I never got a chance to..."tears fell off her face and she started sobbing, "But then you came...You saved me before he could do anything...And I managed to delete the photo and everything...He wouldn't fers any proof now,"

She was scared and crying.She felt guilty and ashamed.

I should do something like hold her hand or give her a hug, but I couldn't even move an inch.I could only clench my jaw and fists while my mind was _ still processing everything—all the could have, should have, and would have.

"What would have happened if I never came?"I said to her after she finally calmed down.

"I don't know..."she bit her lip and held her head down, "

“But you came and that's all that matters—"

“Are you crazy? You could’ve been seriously hurt!"

My fists banged the steering wheel as ! couldn't contain it anymore.

If I were late by a couple of minutes, what would have happened? Just the thought of it made me sick.

"I'm sorry..."she croaked.

I didn’t want her to say ‘I’m sorry’.

She shouldn't be saying that.

It wasn’t her fault her ex boyfriend was a psychotic ass.

And, it wasn’t all her fault that she was tangled up in this mess with me—the adult and the supposedly wiser party of the relationship.

"Emma, why didn’t you say anything when he came to you? You should have told me,"I said through gritted teeth.

I would have handled it.I didn’t know what I'd do, but I'd handled it.

I wouldn't let her anywhere near him.

"lan, I didn’t wanna worry you, I thought I could handle it on my own, I didn’t want you to be like..."she sighed in exasperation.

"Like what?"I pressed on.

"Like this.Angry at me,"

"I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at myself! I should’ve never let things go this far,"

Maybe this was all my fault? If we weren't being reckless in the first place, she wouldn't be in this kind of trouble.

I was the adult here, I was the one who was supposed to be responsible and mature.Yet, I was foolish and careless.

And she had to suffer because of my choices.

"What do you mean?"she asked, her eyes searched for mine, but I looked away.

"This thing between us shouldn't have happened.We should've just stayed away,"

"You don’t actually mean that, do you?"she shook her head in disbelief.

"Yes, I do,"I should have done this a long time ago.

If I really cared about her, I wouldn’t have put her through this mess.

I should have done better.

I should have been better.

"Emma, I think you know where I'm going with this,"

I said as I swallowed hard, dreading the words that I would have to say next.

"Please don’t say anything..."tears trickled down her tired face and I had to restrain myself from pulling her into my chest.

I wished I could wipe those tears away, but I couldn't.

I was the one that caused all this pain in the first place.

The best thing I could do for her now was to let her go.

She on live her life like other normal young girls her age, free of complicated relationships and blackmails.

"This thing between us has to end, Emma.It's stupid and it’s not right,"I stated firmly.

I hated the words that were coming out of my mouth, but I had to do it.

She narrowed her eyes at me and she looked so hurt and disappointed.

"I don't agree with you,"

she said finally, "Maybe it’s stupid, but I think what we have is right.This is the most right thing I’ve ever felt in my life,"

I know.I feel exactly the same way.

But after seeing you like this, all torn up and broken because of me.

I can’t ever forgive myself.I can’t put you through that.

"I'm sorry, baby girl, but it’s for the best.

We can’t put ourselves in these situations anymore,"

"lan...please..."she gave me this look and it was the saddest look I had ever witnessed in my life as she said , l love you,"

It was just three simple words.I heard thrown around many times in my life.But I knew she meant it.

She said those words to me and only me, and it made me want to wrap her in my arms this instant.

But if I did that...I wouldn't be able to let her go.

So I did nothing and I just watched as her lips quivered and her eyes glistened.

"Emma, listen to me,"

I had to control my breathing and my tone of voice so I wouldn't give anything away as I said, "It was fun what we had, but it’s not worth all this trouble,"

"Trouble...?"

"You deserve so much better,"

Her breath was caught in her throat.

She couldn't say anything except stare at me with those pleading eyes.

"Hey, you'll be alright.You'll find someone who's better for you.Someone that's right for you,"

I paused for a beat before continuing, "Because I’m not that person,"

She was quiet for the longest time.

The silence in the air was deafening.

So after a few more seconds, I finally said to her, "Emma, I think you should go inside.It's already léte,"

"So, you don’t love me?"she asked suddenly and it caught me off guard.

"Emma..."

"Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me,"

If I tell you that, will you leave me and this stupid thing we have behind? The look on her face said it all.

If I said I didn’t love her, her heart would be broken, but she’d be able to move on.

"I don't love you, Emma,"I paused for a beat and continued,

"I’m sorry,"

There was a pained expression in her eyes as she searched my face, and her small voice cracked when she searched my face, and her small voice cracked when she said, “No, you don't mean that,” “Yes, I do.I don't love you,” Liar.

“I told you from the beginning, I'm not much a relationship guy.

I don’t do love and all that stuff.What we had was intense but I wouldn't call it love,”

Fuckingliar.

“You have to understand something, Emma, you're still so young, whatever feeling it is that you think is love, it’s not,” That was the nail on the coffin.

She gaped at me, completely offended my words.

She looked away and scoffed, then she turned back to me and shook her head lightly.

“I know you're my teacher but you don’t need to lecture me on my own feelings.I know what I feel for you is real.And if you can’t see that...then I guess there’s no point in doing this anymore,”

“You're right,” I swallowed, and this time I looked away.I Couldn't bear seeing that look on her face.

“Fine, I get it,” she said bitterly and I heard the car door opened.

She stood by the open door as she said, “I just hope one day you'll feel what I feel and you'll know ..how shitty it feels to love someone who doesn't love you back,” Oh, trust me baby girl, I know.

“Good night, Mr.Hayes,” And with that, she closed the door shut.

That was the most horrible sentence I had ever heard.

But just in case she might look back, I had to keep my cool as I .

I watched her leave and disappear into the house.

Her voice kept ringing in my ears inside this dead- silent car.

And when she was completely gone, it finally hit me..the undeniable, indescribable haunting pain in my chest.

Fuck, this hurts.