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CHAPTER 42
Zara’s POV
Nick and I are finally home from our tour. The weather doesn’t seem to be getting any better. The warm sunlight that once touched my skin has turned into a cool breeze. The sky above is filled with black and grey clouds, and it’s raining again.
Instead of catching a ride, we decide to walk home in silence. Holding hands, but something feels off.
Why can’t I feel love for him?
It’s been six months, but I can’t see Nick as my life partner. He’s an important person in my life, but definitely not a husband.
Something feels wrong because I can’t even feel the wedding ring I’m wearing. The pictures he shows me seem suspicious. We don’t even have a wedding photo. My mind feels like it’s being excavated again.
We arrive back home. It’s just the two of us and Nick, but for some unknown reason, I feel nervous. I find myself in the living room, and Nick tries to kiss me.
But why do I feel like I’m being violated? Why is this not what I want?
I start silently crying, and he stops kissing me, apologizing. My mind is a mess; I’m confused and don’t know what to do.
Nick goes upstairs to our room, and I assume he’s upset because I can’t fully commit to him. Every time we try to be intimate, I end up feeling like crying and hating myself. I’m grateful that he’s not forcing me anymore.
Suddenly, heavy rain pours outside, and it looks like there’s a storm. The rain is relentless, and it’s getting colder. Perhaps cooking some soup would be nice.
Since the housekeeper hasn’t arrived yet, I decide to cook some soup to warm our stomachs. I boil elbow macaroni and start boiling eggs. Nick likes soup with boiled eggs, which is a bit unusual, but I try it, and it turns out to be delicious.
While waiting for the food to boil, I can’t help but think about Lucas, the man from my dreams the other night. He feels so important in my life, and I have this strange feeling that he played a significant role.
My amnesia is a curse. I wish I could remember my past life, but I’m afraid of Nick and how he changes when he gets angry. It’s something I’d rather not witness.
When the boiled eggs are cooked, and the soup is ready, I peel the eggs and serve the soup. It’s still pouring heavily outside, and it’s dark even though it’s just three o’clock in the afternoon. It looks like Eugenie will have to spend the night somewhere else due to the weather.
“I’m sorry, I fell asleep,” Nick’s baritone voice comes from behind me.
He looks sleepy, and his hair is a mess, but he’s still handsome even without a bath.
Nick is a handsome guy, the type you’d see next door with a baby face. But for some reason, I can’t find myself attracted to him.
“It’s fine, come and eat the soup. It’s delicious, especially when it’s hot,” I say as I imitate him in the kitchen. He responds with a playful smile.
“I know something else that’s delicious to eat, especially when it’s cold,” he says with a mischievous smile. I can’t help but give him a murderous look, which only makes him laugh.Content protected by Nôv/el(D)rama.Org.
“Just sit there. Instead of eating this soup, I might just give you a cold shower,” I say with annoyance in my tone.
We enjoy our dinner, and then we watch the news in the living room. The storm is fierce, and Nick won’t be able to leave tomorrow. It’s too dangerous to travel in this weather, especially by boat, which is needed to cross to the other island.
It’s hard to sleep, even with the cold weather. The rain momentarily stopped, but it resumed with even greater intensity.
I spend the time thinking about my life before amnesia. I must have lost so much, but it’s frustrating not knowing exactly what.
Life is too short, and it feels even shorter since losing my memories. Waking up without even knowing my name or my parents was terrifying, like waking up as a blank slate.
I think of drinking chocolate while reading the novels Nick buys for me. They are from Claybourne, and I find myself relating to the stories of wives and husbands with one-sided love.
As I drift off to sleep, I find myself dreaming of being in a church, walking towards an altar. A man stands there, muscular, tall, and handsome with expressive eyes. It’s not Nick, and I don’t know him, but I feel an unexplainable connection to him. My heart beats faster, and I feel a mix of excitement and longing.
He pulls me into a tight hug, saying, “I’ve been waiting for you for so long. Even though we’ve been separated, my love for you remains. Please come back to me.” His voice carries sadness.
Before I can respond, I wake up from the dream, tears streaming down my face. Nick holds me, trying to comfort me, but the weight of not knowing who I really am feels overwhelming.
Nick gives me some medicine, and I fall asleep again, hoping that when I wake up, my memories will return.
However, I woke up feeling the same. I felt lost and disoriented but before I could think about something, Nick approached me with a wide smile. I had no choice but to smile back at him.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” he inquired.
For a moment, I stared into his eyes. He was smiling but his expressions were guarded. “Can you take me to Claybourne?” I asked
“No!”