VICTIMIZING
“Shyne, snap out of it! Hey, it’s okay, I’m right here, Shyne. Shhh, it’s alright.”
Perry was rocking me back and forth as I had a panic attack. I was shaking as I closed my eyes and covered my ears.
“Shyne, I’m here, cousin. Don’t worry, you’re alright. Everything is going to be alright, just relax, Shyne.”
I was still shaking badly as Perry wrapped her arms around my body, and her legs were entangled with mine. She exerted enough force to stop a little of my thrashing, and we both fell on the floor.
“I-I can’t do this anymore, Perry. I can’t live every day of my life pretending that being haunted by my ex isn’t affecting me as much as it really does.”
Big and fat tears continually fell from my eyes as Perry continued to comfort me with words of encouragement and words of God from the bible. I was slowly calming down until I remembered something.
I quickly let go of Perry and got out of her embrace. I went to the closet and took out a small box that had a ring in it.
Perry looked at me questioningly as I opened the box, and what was inside was not a ring, but a necklace. The necklace had a pendant that opened up to reveal Rian’s photo.
A chill went up to my spine as I remembered the day Rian gave it to me. I didn’t want to take it, but it was like my body moved on its own and accepted the gift he gave me.
In the past…
“Why are you always so demanding, Rian? Seriously, I’m not a pushover that you can give orders to.”
I grabbed my bag and tried to leave Rian on the road. We were about to go to his house, but he kept forcing me to stay overnight which he knew I could never do. I decided to go against going to his house and go back home instead because he is completely irritating me with his childish stubbornness.
“Shyne, come one, hon. Why can’t you just stay here for the night and just go back home tomorrow? Just tell them that you lost track of time and had no one to send you home. Tell your parents that you didn’t think calling was needed because you slept in a penthouse nearby.”
“Rian, I won’t lie that much right now, because mom and dad are already mad at me for ditching my bodyguards the majority of the time. Seriously, we are both lucky that my friends are helping me ditch them, or else, we’d both be in huge trouble.”Còntens bel0ngs to Nô(v)elDr/a/ma.Org
“You are already at the right age to sleep wherever you want, Shyne. Why don’t you just tell me that the real reason why you don’t want to sleep here is that I’m poor and your family is filthy rich!”
I slapped him, then I saw his face change from shock to anger. I also felt hot with anger when I realized that we were standing in the middle of an empty road.
“I don’t want to fight with you in the middle of the road, Rian. I still have more dignity left. Now, I want to go home, and I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
I tried to get away, but Rian pulled me back too hard, and I felt my wrist begin to bruise. I stared at his angry eyes that matched mine, and we had a staring contest.
“Do you seriously believe that I would let you leave me just like that? I know that you’re the heir to your big clan, Shyne, but I don’t care. You are mine. Every inch of you is mine, whether you’re a lowly teenager or a billionaire’s daughter.”
He let go of my left hand, and he began to slowly choke me while he held my right wrist tightly. The anger inside me began to subside, and I felt fear slowly creep in. I saw how his eyes changed, and his anger was boiling.
I felt a heavy sensation surrounding me, and I couldn’t move a muscle. Rian began to power walk towards his house, and I felt my body move automatically.
“Mine. You are mine, Shyne, and I will prove it to you. I don’t care what it takes.”
I was beginning to feel confusion build up inside my mind as I felt my body move as if it was on autopilot. I wanted to run in the other direction and scream at the guy but I couldn’t.
When we arrived at Rian’s house, the people there were ignoring us. They had judgmental eyes as they glanced towards my direction, but I ignored them.
“I don’t care if I have to force it in you, Shyne, but I will let you feel my love for you. All that you are is mine, and no one can change that. Not even you, my love.”
“Rian, please, I just want to go home. I won’t leave you, but I need to go home now. I suddenly feel sick and I think I need to rest.”
I was lying and I knew that he knew it too. I was being desperate as he locked his bedroom door and looked at me with both anger and interest.
I was begging him to let me leave and I didn’t know why. I never begged anyone in my life, and it all felt foreign to me. It was like my body and mind were fighting, and my body was winning.
“Home? You can go home later my love. I know you’re rich and you prefer your mansion over my simple house, but I can change your mind in a few minutes.”
I was shaking, but I didn’t know if it was because the air felt cold, or because I felt worried. I looked at Rian’s sinister smile, and I knew I would regret this day like the other days.
Rian took his time showing me how much I meant to him, and I felt like I was separated from myself the entire time. It was like I was watching myself, and I wasn’t there.
I looked at Rian the entire time without much of an expression. He was a victim for a minute and an accuser the next.
Suddenly, Rian took my finger and he put a ring on it. I took my hand away before he could, but he pulled my hand closer with force to put the ring properly.
“Never take this off, my love. I don’t care what lies you have to tell to keep this on your finger, but never lose it.”
The room was getting dark as I looked at Rian’s face. He was looking at the ring fondly, and as I looked at him, I felt like there was more to the ring than meets the eye.
“What would happen if I lost the ring? You know that I don’t like wearing jewelry that much.”
“Are you saying that because this ring is not as expensive as the ones your billionaire parents give you? I mean, I know you’re raised to be materialistic, but can’t you say thank you to me?”
I felt regret instantly at his accusing words. I thought of a reply, but my tongue was tied.
“I understand you, my love. I know you don’t want to accept a cheap gift, but this one is special.”
“What do you mean special? Does this ring belong to your family like an heirloom? If it’s so special, I don’t want to lose it.”
“Don’t worry, you won’t lose this ring, my love. Trust me, this ring is a piece of me, and now that you’re wearing this, you are bound with my soul.”
Present…
I felt Perry come closer to me and look at the box I was holding. She was looking over my shoulder, and I knew I had to tell her where I got the ring.
“He said that his soul was now bound with me forever because I decided to keep the ring. I didn’t know what he meant, and I didn’t know that I kept this.”
“You told me before that you threw every gift he gave you when you broke up with him. So why do you still have this ring, then there’s the letters, as well as the diary?”
“I don’t know, Perry. I told you, it was like my entire body was on autopilot, and my mind was losing. I wanted to throw everything, but my body kept.”
“Okay, we need to go out of this house for a bit and go to mommy Mitch’s house. She’s our leader at the church, and I’m sure she can help us even with just a simple prayer.”
I was reluctant at first, however, Perry was able to convince me. The logic was out the window by now, and I was becoming more desperate.
Kathy lives a few blocks away from our house, and both Perry and she were attending the same church with Miss Mitch. The two of them came with me to ask for a prayer from Miss Mitch.
“Okay, Shyne. Before we pray, you need to receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior. The bible said, “You need to repent first and accept Jesus, so your prayers can be heard by God.”
I took a deep breath and prepared myself. I’ve done this with other churches in the past, but I did that before out of respect for other people’s beliefs. I never tried doing this personally for myself.
“Alright, Shyne. Right now, I just need you to close your eyes and think of all the mistakes you have made in the past. Think of them, and just ask for forgiveness from God. Grace is always available for you.”
I closed my eyes, and I felt a dark presence once again, and it was difficult to close my eyes. I kept peeping and saw Miss Mitch, Perry, and Kathy closing their eyes.
I closed my eyes too, and I felt a cold breeze touch my right earlobe. I felt goosebumps erupt on my skin, and I let go of both Perry and Kathy’s hands.
“Shyne? Are you alright? Sweetheart, can you hear me? you need to relax.”
The world was spinning, and I knew I was having a panic attack. I sat on the sofa, and both Perry and Kathy surrounded me while Miss Mitch left to grab a glass of water for me to drink.
“Here, sweetheart, drink some water to help you calm down.”
“Shyne, are you alright? Do you want me and Kath to take you home?”
I could see the worry in all three sets of eyes that were looking at me. I nodded my head and decided that I should just leave.
Miss Mitch decided to still pray for me, and for a few minutes of prayer, I felt calmer. I knew that her prayer somehow worked, but it was weird that I had a panic attack at first.
“Sweetheart, I know that you’re probably confused why you had a hard time with the confession and repentance part. That is because the one fighting against you is both that curse and your own guilt. You need to free yourself first, Shyne. We can help, but the biggest help you can get is help from within yourself.”
I just stayed quiet as Miss Mitch talked, and I saw Perry and Kathy observing my reactions. I was thankful for the three of them.
“Don’t worry, Shyne. I know that you can get through this by the grace of God. I will continue to pray for you, and I know that when the time is right, you can find the courage to surrender to the Lord and free yourself.”
I was silent even when we arrived home, and I went straight to my room. I looked at all the things that Rian left me. I cried hard again, and this time, I allowed sleep to overcome me as I began to hear multiple voices whispering to me.
“Come with me, my love. Be with me forever, Shyne.”