Unwanted Heat

I look down at her but she doesn’t look at me. I gently lift her chin until I can see her face. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes: fear, shame, embarrassment and sorrow stare back at me. She silently begs me not to ask her about the nightmare but I don’t know how to just let it go. Someone hurt her and that I can’t ignore.

“Kenzie… who hurt you baby?”NôvelDrama.Org © content.

“No one, Nicholas.”

“Someone hurt you. Your nightmare was real-it wasn’t from a book or a movie, was it?”

She shakes her head and tries to look back down but I hold her chin up, not wanting stop looking at her. I’ve never seen her like this; the Kenzie I know is strong, confident and even when her apartment was broken into, she is resilient. This Kenzie looking up at me now is like a shell of that person: the person looking back at me is not the one I’ve gotten to know these last few weeks. My heart, which I swore would never exist again, breaks as she looks at me with pleading eyes.

I don’t know what to do; I don’t know how to handle this. Put me in a board room and I can take on anything that comes my way. Put Kenzie in my arms, sobbing after she relives someone hurting her and I don’t know how to act. God, I want to find out so badly what happened to her. I want to beg her to tell me who did this to her and then I want Carter to find him so I can ruin him.

“You’re safe, no one will ever hurt you again, I promise,” I vow. Even though I don’t know who hurt her, I know I would do anything to keep her from being hurt again.

She doesn’t say anything but a single tear rolls down her cheek. She licks her lips as she shudders against me. I don’t think about what happens next; it’s almost as if my body has a mind of its own. Holding her chin in place, I lean down until my lips hover just above hers. I close my eyes and wait… I wait for her to push me away or tell me she doesn’t want me to kiss her. When she doesn’t say anything or push me away, I close the gap between our lips and envelope mine over hers. I wrap my arm around her waist, anchoring her to me as I deepen the kiss, not knowing how else to comfort her right now. She tentatively reaches up, running her hand through my hair which is all the encouragement I need. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth; she moans in response and tugs at my hair just enough to make my dick start to stir.

As I feel it twitching and threatening to make its presence known, I realize we need to stop before we both do something we would regret. As much as it kills me, I pull back from Kenzie’s soft lips but keep her pressed against me. My heart is beating wildly; my breathing is heavy, almost as if I just finished running a marathon. God, I hope I wasn’t wrong for kissing her… the last thing I want is for her to feel like I took advantage of her when she was upset.

“Kenzie, baby… tell me who hurt you.”

“No one.”

“That’s not true and we both know it. Who. Hurt. You?”

“Nicholas, please let it go.”

“I can’t. Someone hurt you and I want to know who. I need to make sure whoever did this can’t hurt you again.”

“He can’t. He doesn’t even live here; he can’t hurt me again.”

“He lives on the west coast?” I suddenly realize that she didn’t run to New York for love; she ran to get away from someone.

“Yes.”

“He’s the reason you left; the reason you moved to New York.”

“Yes.”

“Who was he?”

“No one.”

“Baby… ”

“He was just a stupid guy who I thought loved me.”

“He was your boyfriend?”

“Fiance technically.”

“You were going to marry him? Someone who hit you?”

“Please, Nicholas. It’s a part of my life I don’t like to think about. I was young and incredibly stupid.”

“Why would you stay with him? You deserve so much better; no one should ever hit you.”

“I didn’t think anyone would ever love me-he was the first guy who acted like he cared about me. He would apologize after hitting me and tell me how much he loved me. I was stupid. I believed him. I believed that I deserved it every time he hit me. That I didn’t deserve anything better.”

“Why would you think that? You’re such a wonderful, loving, caring person. You deserve someone who treats you as such.”

“I… that’s not what I was told growing up. When you hear something often enough, you end up believing it.”

“Oh Kenzie…”

“It’s the past, Nicholas… I don’t like to think about it.”

“What made you finally decide to leave? I’m grateful you finally did but-”

“He almost killed me one night.”

“WHAT?!?!”

I’m fuming… I’m seeing red… I’m going to kill the son of a bitch. What kind of fucking piece of shit almost kills the woman he supposedly loves? What type of man hits any woman?

“Please, please… I don’t want to talk about it. I finally woke up that night, left him and worked with a wonderful group who helped me move out here. They made sure nothing from that night appeared in my medical records and helped me find a group in New York that could help me get my life back together.”

“Kenzie… if he ever tries to contact you again I want you to tell me. Please, promise me you will tell me if you hear from him.”

“I… I will.”

“Do you often have nightmares?”

“Not really. It’s not like I have them every night. I wish I didn’t have them at all, but they always seem to hit when I least expect it.”

“I know what you mean.”

“You do?”

I don’t respond, not wanting to admit that she’s not the only one who suffers from nightmares. Unlike Kenzie though, my nightmares occur almost every night. It’s rare to go a night without one and I’ve learned to function on very little sleep. I’ve been in therapy for years, but nothing stops them. I never would have expected Kenzie to have suffered from nightmares and never would have guessed the reason for them. I’m left with more questions unanswered than were answered tonight. What the fuck did this guy do to her? What did her mother do when she was growing up to make her think she didn’t deserve to be loved? Who the fuck is this low life who hurt her?

I need to have Carter dig into her background. I need to know who this fucker was. I need someone on him to make sure he can’t hurt Kenzie ever again. I don’t give a shit what happens in a few weeks when our arrangement ends: I’ll pay any cost to ensure that this fucker stays far away from her. People like that shouldn’t be allowed in society; there is no place for men who beat women.

“Nicholas,” Kenzie moans softly, pulling me from my angry thoughts.

I look down and realize that she is fast asleep, still wrapped in my arms. She moaned my name in her sleep… and even though I have no idea why she did this, it makes me smile. I should leave, go back to my room and sleep in my own bed. I should leave things alone so they don’t become awkward between us. Having Kenzie here isn’t good; we are crossing too many lines this weekend. The right thing to do would be to go to sleep in the room next door, pretending that I never came in here. The right thing to do would be to forget everything she just told me. The right thing to do would be to forget how great it feels to have this woman curled up next to me. To forget how amazing it feels to have her sleeping in my arms. Unfortunately I’ve never been good at doing the right thing.