Ex-Husband's Regret

Gabe.

I groan in ecstasy as I release my load onto her back. This was just what I needed. The best way I knew to unwind and relax. 

“So when will we do this again, Tomorrow?” she asks, her eyes shining.

She looks more relaxed. I guess she needed this just as much as I did. I help her wipe my cum off her back, but I don’t say anything. She knows the drill. I call she answers, not the other way around.

After I’m done, she starts getting dresses. It’s past ten at night and I want to get some shut eye  before my busy schedule tomorrow. 

Like I said, she knows the drill. She doesn’t spend the night and vice versa. We are nothing more than F*** buddies.

“Gabriel?”

She’s the only one that calls me by my full name. I hate it the name. Mainly because it reminds me of the archangel when I am literally the opposite of an angel.

“Shut it. You don’t call the shots. We’ll do this when I decide” I growl, already feeling suffocated by her damn question.

I see an emotion similar to hurt pass through her features. I ignore it. She knew very well what she was getting into when she agreed to this.

“So meanwhile I wait till it’s my turn? I wait till you’re bored with your other women?” she whispers.

I’ve never kept it a secret. She knew she wasn’t the only F*** buddy I had. I liked variety. Today I was in the mood for having a taste of her. It might be the same tomorrow. Or I might develop a taste for someone else.

“Yes” I tell her firmly.

The light that was shining in her eyes dims. She tries her best, but I see her fighting her emotions. Fighting the hurt I had caused.

Fuck! I hate this. Hate it when they develop feelings. We’ve had this arrangement for two years and it worked fine until now. Looks like it’s time to nip this at the bud. 

She didn’t have time to date and I don’t date. So this became the best solution. Besides, she’s just my secretary. Even if I were to date her, she wouldn’t fit in my word.

“I thought you could handle this, but I guess it was a mistake. So this will be the last time we

F***. You’ll continue working for me like nothing ever happened between us, am I understood,

Eden?” 

She stares at me. Her eyes spearing mine.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore” she whispers. Tears filling her eyes“I love you, but I see that

will never love me. For some reason you’ve closed off your heart and I can’t keep sleeping with

you knowing that you’ll never reciprocate my love”

She was a damn good secretary, but to hell with it.

“I guess it’s time for you to write a resignation letter, isn’t it?” I smirk, mocking her. 

She doesn’t reply. Just shakes her head before she turns around and quietly leaves. I sigh, but I don’t follow her. Instead I use my phone to unlock the gates for her. Once she’s gone, I collapse on my bed.

She’s right. I closed my heart off. Promising myself that I will never fall in love. Sure my parents have an amazing marriage, and they love each other so much, but their case is one in a million.

I’ve seen how love can F***ing destroy you. Seen how it can kill you on the inside and leave you as nothing but a shell.

Love all but destroyed Rowan when he lost Emma. It was like living with a zombie for months, until Noah was born. He used to drink himself to oblivion. Seeing all this why would I give any woman such immense power over me? Why would I give them the weapon to destroy me?

He was destroyed when things went to shit with Emma and now? Now I am afraid of the same thing happening.

He doesn’t realize it yet. That he loves Ava. When it finally hits him, it will destroy him. Knowing that he has hurt the woman he loves over and over again.

I release a breath I was holding and go to the bathroom for a shower. Ten minutes later and I am still anxious. I don’t know what was causing it, but I have a good damn feeling that it was Rowan.

I get out of the shower, dry myself and put on a pair of sweats. I was just about to get my phone and call my brother when my security system unlocks. There is only one other person who has authorization. Rowan.

I get downstairs in time to see him stumbling through my front door.

“Rowan? What the hell man?” I ask as I help him up, supporting his weight.

He was drunk. It wasn’t a hard guess. He usually stays clear from drinking too much because of what happened. Today things seem different. It F***ing worried me because the last time he drunk this much was during his dark times.

I help him take a seat then take mine beside him.

“What happened Ro?” I ask worriedly.

“You were right. Fucking right as always” he stammers. “I messed up big time. How the hell am I going to fix what I destroyed with my bare hands?”

I feel the pain in his voice and it kills me. I love my brother more than anything. When he suffers,Nôvel(D)rama.Org's content.

I suffer right along with him. I would do anything to take away his pain. His heartaches. But I  know I can’t. Not really anyway.

“Explain to me why you think you’ve messed up and where exactly have you messed up?”

He looked distraught. Like his world just collapsed down on him.

“I love her Gabe. I F***ing love” he yells.

“Who?”

“Ava!” he shouts. “I F***ing love her. It hit me today”

And it hit him hard. This is what I was afraid of. When he finally realizes the F***ing truth. My prediction came to pass. The realization is his undoing. 

“Why didn’t I realize it sooner? Why did it take me this long? She’ll never believe me if I were to tell her that I loved her. I all but killed her love for me. Spent most of the nine years making her pay for that night. I hurt her so F***ing much. She’ll never believe me”

A tear drops down his face. Pain marking his grey eyes that are similar to mine. I feel my heart lurch as waves of pain radiate from him.

“What am I going to do? How am I going to fix all that 1 broke? How the F*** am I supposed to mend her broken heart when I broke it?”

I grip his shoulder and bring him to me. Rowan isn’t one to show weakness. Even when Emma left him, he didn’t show how broken he was. He didn’t cry. Didn’t lament on how he would fix it. He didn’t agonize on how he would fix what was shattered. He just drank.

His shoulders shake as he tries to fight his emotions. My heart goes to him. He is my twin and I

F***ing hate seeing him like this. I have no idea how to help him.

Nine years of pain and heartache wasn’t going to be easy to fix. Ava had grown into herself. Risen up from the ashes like a damn phoenix. She wasn’t going to easily allow those that hurt her come near her.

“I don’t know Ro, but you’re Rowan F***ing Woods and you always get what you want. You’re going to fix this and you’re going to get Ava back. You never quit, so don’t start now” 

He straightens and looks forward. His eyes staring at nothing. Completely lost in his mind.

“What if she doesn’t take me back?” he whispers more to himself.

This isn’t my brother. Rowan is assured and confident. The fact he is doubting himself just proves the power Ava has over him. I F***ing believe she has more power than Emma ever had.

The love he had for Emma was young and easy. Puppy love. That’s why it never lasted. That’s why it crumbled at the first sign of trouble. I believe, though not entirely sure that what he may feel for

Ava may be stronger. Way F***ing stronger.

“You’ll just have to give it your best” I whisper back.

We stay seated, lost in our own heads, until he falls asleep. I stand up and help him to one of the bedrooms. The one he uses while he is here.

I deposit him on the bed and watch him for a while as he struggles even in his sleep. I want to be confident that he will win Ava back, but I am not. Nine F***ing years. That’s how long he has hurt her.

I would be surprised if Ava gave him a chance after that. I can only hope. Hope that the love she had for him isn’t entirely gone, because I’m not sure he’ll survive losing her.